Books about having a second baby

If my second pregnancy had a tagline, it would be this: "No one cares about a second baby." This sounds harsh, I realize, and it's not how I feel about my second baby who will be born in the scarily near future; rather, it's a statement about how nearly everyone else reacts. Sure, my family and closest friends are supportive and excited, but there is a certain feeling from strangers and acquaintances alike that a second-time parent is a pro and therefore not much to celebrate. For example, whenever I find myself out running an errand or out on the town without Natalie, strangers assume I'm about to have my first baby. "Oh, is this your first baby?!" they say in a high-pitched voice. When I say, with a smile and excitement in my voice, "No, this is number 2," the tone immediately shifts and the typical response is, "Oh."

Of course, the truth is that as a second-time parent, while I do not have all the answers (or most answers), I do have a better sense of what to except the second time around, and therefore the months ahead seem almost more scary than they did as I anticipated my first child. My eyes are fully opened, so I know about the physical recovery from childbirth, the sleep deprivation ahead, the serious commitment breastfeeding requires, the reality of being covered in spit up, and the fears over whether or not the baby is gaining enough weight and developing normally. On the flip side, I recognize with hindsight that these challenges and worries will hopefully last for an exceptionally small portion of our son's early life, and I have at least a few more coping mechanisms and previous experiences this time around to inform my parenting.

Still, I'm a firm believer in preparation through reading. This time, instead of feeling the need to read about pregnancy or breastfeeding or newborns, I have sought out books specifically focused on having a second child. In trying to gather books on this topic, I found that there are few books to choose from, and nearly all these books have mixed online reviews. I selected the four books I could easily acquire through my local library. Having completed reading four books on this topic, I will just be adding to the mixed reviews of these books, but here goes.


Here's what I found these books to say (so you don't have to read them)...

Universal advice:
The universal point all these books emphasize is that preparing yourself, your relationship with your spouse, your firstborn, and your house before the arrival of baby #2 is the best way to make the transition as smooth as possible. My rational brain that loves to be organized said, "True," and I worked hard to find specific advice within each book that went beyond basic organizational strategies such as babyproofing in advance, learning to manage a weekly grocery and meal list, having a division of household tasks between spouses, maintaining routines with your older child, keeping a firm place in your life for time by yourself, with your spouse, and with your friends.

In terms of sibling preparation, every book recommends, as my doctor and plenty of friends have recommended as well, making any changes in the older child's life well in advance of the arrival of the baby so that the older child has time to adjust and doesn't associate the newborn with all things upheaval. This for us means moving Natalie into her new room as quickly as we can put it together, hopefully sometime in the next few weeks.

Universal criticism:

Overall, my main criticism of these books, as I observed in many online customer reviews, is that they mostly provide common sense advice that you've probably heard before. Perhaps because so many people have such wildly different circumstances, there's no good way to present super specific advice in a published format.

I also feel like the picture these authors paint on the whole regarding welcoming a second baby to the family is one of doom and gloom, and I feel like I've heard enough doom and gloom from friends and acquaintances and TV and movies that I don't really need more extremely negative reminders about the realities of life with two small children. I want honesty, but I also want some balance of optimism and pessimism, especially since I have made such major strides in the past few years in living my life in a more optimistic way. 

Either way, I've tried to compile what I found to be some of the most specific information from these four books below.

Welcoming Your Second Baby
by Vicki Dansky
3rd edition, 2005
This book is focused on the most immediate aspects of preparation for a second child and life with two children, including, for example, a whole chapter about having the firstborn present at the birth of the second child. (For the record, Natalie will not be witnessing her brother's birth.) Much of this book is written in bulleted-list format, which I can appreciate because it makes it even easier to pick and choose what to read. In any of these books, you'll find lots of ideas that no doubt do not apply to your circumstances.

Here's what I found most helpful from this book:

• Hospital advice -- Your first child may not be able to visit you at the hospital for any number of reasons, so the book recommends not building up a potential hospital visit in case it doesn't work out. Additionally, if your child does visit you, ideally you will not be the one holding the baby so that you can give your older child attention when she visits (26).
• Dealing with jealousy, when the baby is a newborn -- If possible, find ways to give your older child special time with you by staggering when you feed the baby and put the baby down for a nap (70). Of course, following this advice would mean you would likely never get a break yourself, but I guess that is an idea.
• Regression -- I'd heard and read plenty before about regression in toddlers after the baby arrives, but I was surprised to read that regression is most common seven months after the baby's arrival (73). The author does not elaborate on this claim, though, so I don't know about this statement's accuracy or helpfulness. We're not planning to touch potty training for the time being because we figure Natalie would just regress, anyway.
• Encouraging positive sibling interaction -- The author recommends specifically praising positive play between the firstborn and baby by saying something like, "'Look how happy your brother becomes when you sing to him'" (81). I like this because it offers the older sibling specific praise and may therefore encourage more positive interactions.

And Baby Makes Four: Welcoming a Second Child Into the Family
by Hilory Wagner
1998

Maybe it's just me, but this book felt like the most negative of the four books I've read on this topic. For that reason, it would be on the bottom of my recommended titles list, but I'm reviewing these in the order in which I read them so I can remember how I saw ideas building or conflicting among the books.

This book is divided into three parts (1: Planning for Two; 2: Pregnancy and Preparation; 3: Your New Family) with multiple chapters within each section. My review of this book is incomplete because, as in the case of the previous book, several chapters do not apply to me (most notably, I don't need to read chapters about deciding when to have another kid or about being pregnant a second time). I focused most of my attention on the chapters about sibling preparation and managing life with two children. Thankfully, the whole book uses helpful subheadings and bulleted lists so readers can easily pick and choose what to read.

Here's what I found most helpful from this book:

• Baby doll care -- Teach your firstborn how to properly care for a baby by giving the toddler a baby doll to pretend play with (77). The book specifically recommends showing the toddler how to support the baby's head. Natalie loves to sing "Hush-a-Bye Baby" to her stuffed bunny, but I'm planning to get one of my two old Cabbage Patch dolls out from the back of the crawl space (when I finally blaze a trail through there) and let her have it as her baby doll.
• "Our" baby -- Refer to the baby as "ours" (89). It turns out we've been unwittingly following this advice because one of Natalie current favorite books, I'm a Big Sister, refers to the new baby as "our" baby, and so that language has stuck in our house as well.
• Keeping a toddler occupied while mom nurses -- Read books or watch videos with your toddler while you nurse your newborn (130). At this moment, Natalie has a shockingly long attention span when it comes to books, and I think I could realistically manage feeding a newborn while Natalie reads beside me. Who knows how long that will last, but I will milk it (ha!) for all that it's worth come January. Also, who knows how nursing will go with baby #2. I'm not setting myself up for disappointment with that one.
• With toys, sharing is not always caring -- Teach your first born to understand that many of her toys are not suitable for the baby, and while it's nice to share, there are times where sharing is not good (146). We sort of went through this when trying before Natalie was born to teach the dogs the differences between baby toys and dog toys. I've already put all the baby's toys into a special red bin that Natalie can easily and safely access, and we'll work on teaching her that it's OK to hand her brother toys from that bin only. (Stay tuned.)
• Outings with the firs born -- Try to arrange as many special outings for the firstborn as possible once the baby arrives (149). The book recommends a special weekly outing for the toddler. That sounds awesome, but likely unfeasible. I could see myself trying to ensure that between Matt, me and babysitters, family and otherwise, someone gives Natalie a special outing whenever we can.
• Don't overplay the concept of "mommy's little helper" (150) -- I thought this was a great point. Nearly every book or article I read emphasizes making the firstborn feel important in the life of the baby, but realistically, there's only so much my two-year old will be able to do. Once the baby can see and focus more, Natalie can play a bigger role, as the book points out, in keeping her brother smiling and entertained.

Twice Blessed: Everything You Need to Know About Having a Second Child -- Preparing Yourself, Your Marriage, and Your Firstborn for a New Family of Four
Joan Leonard
2000
After reading the relatively Negative Nancy of a book above, I found Twice Blessed refreshing. Of course, it's not surprising that a book with the word "blessed" in its title might take a more positive approach. Still, I salute you, Joan Leonard, for not scaring me like everyone else.

This book is structured in a remarkably similar way to Wagner's book above, making it easy to select the most relevant parts of the book for reading or scanning.

Here's what I found most helpful from this book:

• Siblings are good for helping kids mature! (57) -- Yes, thank you! Not exactly advice, but at least affirmation that my family's life as we know it will not be forever destroyed. Specifically, the author highlights how: "Even if the oldest temporarily regresses back to thumb sucking or wetting the bed after the arrival of the baby -- which is very common -- in the end the child may mature more quickly. Studies reveal that kids show signs of more grown-up behavior...after the birth of a new baby, even if signs of regression are also there" (57-58).
• Brush off your firstborn's baby album (63) -- Natalie is loving looking at her baby book these days. Of course, she's mostly enamored with pictures of herself and her family and friends, but it gives us a nice way to talk about the hospital, and how small babies are, and what babies need, and how babies grow.
• Don't move your firstborn out of the crib if she's not ready (68) -- We have been planning this all along, but it was affirming to read we're not crazy for not wanting to transition Natalie to a regular bed yet. Natalie has loved her crib since she was about four months old, and now she is especially attached to it, contentedly babbling in there for about an hour each morning before she's ready to get out. When I get her up for the day or from a nap, she often asks to stay in her crib. So, I leave the door open, do a few things upstairs, and then in about 15 minutes she's ready to get out. Rather than force her out of her comfort zone, we're going to move Natalie's crib to her new room, and we'll use the Pack N Play as the baby's crib until either Natalie's ready to give up her crib or we decide to force her to give it up (or we decide sound sleep is what matters most of all and we suck it up and buy/borrow a second crib for a while).
• More good news: Sibling fights are good -- Specifically, these fights over such topics as toys and parental attention teach coping and negotiation skills (182). Again, not something I didn't know, having grown up as the middle child in a family with relatively strong personalities, but still a great reminder that, again, both of my children are going to be fine and perhaps better because they have each other.

From One Child to Two: What to Expect, How to Cope, and How to Enjoy Your Growing Family
Judy Dunn
1995
This book's horribly outdated cover threw me off at first, but this wound up being the book with what I felt was the most specific advice for making the adjustment to two children. As with all the previous books, there are chapters readers can easily skip based on individual circumstances. I valued, though, the way that this book considers the adjustment to a growing family in stages: the first few weeks  (chapter 5), the first year (chapter 6), and the rest of the time the siblings will spend under the same roof (chapters 7-10). The tone of this book is somewhere between the optimism of Twice Blessed and the general pessimism of And Baby Makes Four.

Here's what I found most helpful from this book:

• Two does not have to mean twice as difficult -- Instead, this author claims the workload is more like one and a half (17). Having kids closer together in age can actually make the adjustment easier because parents aren't too far removed from the baby routine. Even though I haven't given birth yet, I can relate to this sentiment because I really do feel like Natalie was just a baby yesterda.
• Savor these pre-baby moments with your firstborn -- I'll just quote this one directly: "Rather than fuss over preparation, enjoy your child now, and think about his current interests and the things you like doing together" (49).
• The firstborn can get a gift when the baby is born, but don't say it's from the baby (59) -- I really, really appreciated this point. Every book (and nearly everybody I've spoken with) recommends having a special gift for the firstborn, but the other books say parents should say it's from the baby. Although this book does not state it so bluntly, saying the present is from the baby is a lie, and an unnecessary and confusing one at that. Natalie will be thrilled that her brother's arrival also means she gets a few special treats of her own; she won't care (nor will she likely understand) where they're from.
• Be prepared for a child's response to the baby to be ambivalent -- I was happy to see the author point out that your firstborn's attitude toward the baby will likely be more nuanced than we often are willing to admit. Dunn writes that the response could involve, "a combination of anger, distress, increasingly mature behavior, and genuine interest in and affection for the baby" (69).
• The beginning will be rough, but then it's over (72) -- Right, I need to keep telling myself this. Specifically, the first month will be bad, but that's why my husband will be off from work, splitting all baby and toddler duties with me.
• Babies as young as six weeks might be adaptable to changes in feeding and napping schedules (89) -- I like the idea of raising flexible children. Likely through luck, Natalie turned out pretty flexible, and I hope baby boy can be somewhat as obliging. Of course, the book points out that more difficult babies might take two to three months to become more adaptable.
• Firstborn jealousy will likely be apparent when the baby is three to four months (93) -- This makes sense, as this is around the time babies start showing more personality, doing tricks, and generally exit the solely-a-blob stage into something a little more entertaining.
• An increase in fearfulness in the firstborn is normal -- Specifically, the book points out that about one-third of firstborns show an increase in pointed fears during the baby's first year of life (95). This could include, for example, a new fear of water, which may require parents to temporary minimize or even suspend baths and revert to sponge baths before re-acclimating the firstborn to the fear-inducing stimuli.
• Handling baths for two kids -- One solution: bathe on alternate days (109). We already bathe Natalie every other day, so we could easily bathe baby boy on the opposite nights. Or bathe them together with the newborn in a tub anchored with suction cups to the floor of the tub (109). Because we do not have such a contraption, we'll probably see how the alternating bath days works first.

The end result of having read four books on the subject of having a second child is that I do feel more confident and relaxed about the prospect of our son's arrival in a few short weeks.

As if to solidify this sentiment, I find myself a lot more emotional these days as I anticipate the joys of a newborn. When I was pregnant with Natalie, our friends gave me the book Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go! (A Book to be Read in Utero) by Dr. Seuss. I felt a little silly when pregnant with Natalie to read it out loud more than once. Now, though, totally by her own volition, Natalie has been gravitating toward this book on her bookcase. So, we've read it at least 20 times to baby boy. And I really can't get through the last page without choking up:

So now, as my voice
burble-urps in your ear --
with a bump-thumpy sound
that is not very clear --
the words I am saying
you hear in your heart,
and know that I wish you
the very best start.

It's a scrumptulous world
and it's ready to greet you,
And as for myself...

well...
I can't wait to meet you!

Picture books for a 20-month old

I am not upset that reading continues to be one of Natalie's favorite activities. We were fortunate to be gifted a great quantity of books from lots of friends and family before Natalie was born. Many of these are picture books that we haven't really enjoyed until now, thanks to Natalie's increased attention span and the fact that we have nearly hit our limit with the dozens of board books she's practically memorized. The picture book era is here, and I am thrilled.

Here are Natalie's current favorites.

Books containing repetition
Bark, George by Jules Feiffer

I mentioned this book previously, but it warrants a little more attention. Meet George, a puppy whose dog mom wants him to "arf" but he will only meow, quack, oink, and moo until a trip to the vet un-TurDuckens this dog. The illustrations are a little eccentric, but this is one of the books Natalie asks for by name. She is also hilarious in that she has named random dogs we pass on the sidewalk "George" in honor of this story.

The Napping House by Audrey and Don Wood

Everyone piles on top of one another in this napping house until a wakeful flea destroys each character's slumber. The illustrations are fantastic, and the repetition, while sometimes a little annoying from an adult's perspective, definitely helps in getting Natalie engaged with the story.

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff

I mentioned this book before as well, but the "cookie book," as Natalie calls it, is far and away the picture book hit in our home. This little mouse is certainly demanding. Don't give this bad boy a cookie or else your day will be ruined. We've read the other books by Numeroff, and though they follow the same format of listing consequences for every action, they seem a lot more complicated and therefore less appealing than this one to the two-and-under crowd. I love how each page has just one key vocabulary word focus, such as "straw" or "crayon" or even "Scotch tape." I think that format has worked well in teaching Natalie lots of new, somewhat obscure vocabulary.

Favorite less-popular book
Nothing But a Dog by Bobbi Katz

I've never seen mention of this book on other websites or book lists in anyone's "best of" categories, but this is a sweet book for pet owners (though I'd recommend skipping it if you do not own a dog and do not want to encourage your child to beg for a dog). The "nothing doggie" book, as Natalie calls it, starts off by saying, "Once it starts -- the longing for a dog -- there is no cure for it." You can probably guess how the story ends. Although the text in this book is fairly simple, the protagonist in the illustrations definitely looks like an eight-year old engaged in eight-year-old-and-probably-a-lot-older activities, such as learning to play the trumpet and going to"monster movies" with her best friend. So, Natalie can't exactly relate to much except the dog-love part. Still, she wants to read this book daily.

Rhyming books
Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site by Sherri Duskey Rinnker and Tom Litchtenheld

This book seems to be a modern classic. The book title is pretty spot-on: the story explains how each truck at the construction site has had a long day and now is going to rest before the next busy day ahead. Natalie is fascinated with cars and trucks, and this book is helping to expand her repertoire of truck names.

Llama Llama Mad at Mama by Anna Dewdney

I get a little sad each time Natalie asks for the "la" book, but I know she's asking for it more because it contains nearly perfect rhyme scheme and not because she's mad at me (or so I like to think). Seriously, this book is fun to read as you track Llama Llama's Saturday shopping extravaganza with his Mama at the Shop-O-Rama. Thanks to the great rhyme scheme, Natalie can complete nearly every sentence and gets a big kick out of her involvement in reading the story. I like seeing her sense of pride as well as the way the book keeps her attention even after back-to-back readings, which she requests often. (I was about to make a joke about the need for a Llama Barack Obama book, but looks like someone else already beat me to it.)

Little Blue Truck by Alice Schertle

This book is the newest addition to our library, technically a gift for our future son (oh, by the way, I'm pregnant), but Natalie of course got her hands on it the moment we opened the gift. She calls this the "dump truck book" because the Little Blue Truck, with the help of his farm animal friends, manages to save the big, bad dump truck that lacks manners and companionship. Matt pointed out how the meter and rhyme is a bit off on certain pages ("His heavy-duty/ dump-truck tires/ were sunk down deep/ in muck and mire" is supposed to rhyme, I believe, but fails), but because the story is not only fun but contains an actual theme, I'll go with it.

If you have any suggestions for additions to our library I would love to hear them!

French lessons: Bringing Up Bebe review

As an American, I am used to our culture's tendency to deride the French, as no doubt you are too. This is perhaps part of the intrigue behind the book Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. "The French are wise parents?" the average American may ask. Putting stereotypes aside, I would have to agree with Amy Chua, author of the controversial Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, quoted on the back of Bringing Up Bebe's book jacket, who states that "parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another."

At 8-and-a-half-months old Natalie feels more like a toddler and less like a baby. I will happily learn from anyone as I try to figure out how to really be a parent -- up until this point I felt like my title has been "sustainer of life" more so than parent. Now the real parenting begins. For some visual imagery, this...

...is now Natalie's favorite face. I think I have my work cut out for me.

I got through Druckerman's book super quickly, perhaps due to a looming book club/library due date deadline, but also thanks to Druckerman's conversational writing style and compelling observations. Ultimately, I agree with her assessment, based on her examples, that French parents on the whole seem to know what they're doing. I'm also happy to see that we are well on our way to establishing some good habits with Natalie even though there are some newly arising parenting conundrums. I'll try to employ some of these French principles as we move into these uncharted waters.

It is important to note that it's futile to compare cultures in an apples-to-apples type of way, particularly American and French. The French, after all, have a national maternity leave system and government-subsidized childcare, among other differences. So, I've left out those elements of French parenting that are virtually unattainable in American culture and tried to focus instead on what we can control.

At the heart of French parenting are a couple main ideas: delaying gratification and developing independence. You'll see these at work in most of the items listed below. Additionally, the concept of the "cadre" -- or framework -- is central to French parenting philosophy. Essentially parents raise their children to develop within a framework that French parents will admit is really strict in some areas and fairly laid back in others. The idea is to decide what really matters -- politeness, for example -- and not focus one's energy on small infractions, or "betises."

Here are some more specific ideas I took away from Druckerman's book:

1) "The Pause" -- French babies are on the whole amazingly good sleepers. They "do their nights" (aka truly sleep through the night for at least eight or nine hours...not the American version of six hours of continuous sleep) between six-weeks old and four-months old. A baby who isn't yet sleeping through the night in France by four months is considered late. To help babies achieve this milestone, many French parents, knowingly or not, use "The Pause" to determine whether to enter the baby's room. This means after a baby makes an initial noise they wait about five minutes to determine if the baby is truly awake. They understand that babies go through sleep cycles that last roughly two hours and the babies have a tendency to make lots of little noises or cries throughout the night. Many of these noises do not require a response from the parents because the baby is not truly awake. Druckerman quotes French pediatrician Michel Cohen who writes, "'parents who were a little less responsive to late-night fussing always had kids who were good sleepers, while the jumpy folks had kids who would wake up repeatedly at night'" (45).

My reflection: I can definitely relate to this concept, and we've been employing "The Pause" with Natalie ever since she was about a month old. Perhaps "The Pause" does partly help explain why she's such a good sleeper.

2) The French children's meal plan -- We all know that French women don't get fat, right? Well, apparently their children don't either, and it makes sense given the meal plan that virtually every child beyond the liquid-only diet stage consumes. French babies and children eat four times a day -- three meals and one snack, known as the gouter. The protein-heavy meal of the day occurs at lunch. At the maternelle -- France's free public preschool available for children starting at three-years old -- children are served a four-course lunch that includes, you know, a cheese course. The gouter, or afternoon snack, is almost universally served at 4 p.m. after school and often involves a sweet, such as cookies or cake, that parents have made together with their children. French children are discouraged from being picky eaters by eating foods of the same textures and flavors as adults from a young age. It's not OK for French children to subsist on an all mac-n-cheese diet.  

My reflection: There's no way I'm baking daily or even weekly, but I do like the idea of not giving kids food merely as a way to placate them. Constant snacking, an unfortunate American invention, also seems like an easy way to gain weight. Also, I think I'll be using the cheese course concept with Natalie, as in "eat your cheese after you've eaten your veggies." She loves cheese (hooray!) but I've made the mistake of setting cheese out with her main course and sides, and she has been on the edge of throwing a tantrum until she gets the cheese. Cheese course it is! I am hoping that Natalie won't be a picky eater thanks to efforts to introduce her to lots of foods, but I fear the toddler years could do us in.

3) Francoise Dolto's philosophy -- This psychoanalyst/pediatrician is revered by many French parents. Her core principles of child rearing stem from her emphasis on children as rational beings who can be reasoned with from infancy. (One reason some French parents believe their babies almost universally sleep through the night by four months? That's around the time moms start heading back to work, and the moms rationalize with their babies, "Mom needs sleep for work," so babies start sleeping. Right.)  

My reflection: I do like the idea of talking to babies like they are adults, or at least little adults. I hate "baby talk." I find myself doing it at times, but I always try to stop as quickly as the realization sets in. I see Natalie's face light up, and she sometimes looks at me sideways, when I explain to her what's going on. It's not that I think she's really understanding me, but I like to think we're moving in that direction.

4) French children say bonjour -- Once they learn to speak, French toddlers are expected to say hello and goodbye (in addition to please and thank you) to all adult visitors. The idea here is that children are part of the relationship. The mother and father saying hello does not exempt the child from saying hello. According to Druckerman, this seems to be ingrained in French culture, as it's considered offensive to not say hello to a sales clerk before asking a question or to the barista before placing an order. The French parents Druckerman spoke to acknowledge that their youngest children's "bonjours" may not be sincere, but they hope the repetition will eventually bring out the sincerity (155).  

My reflection: I love this aspect of the culture. It brings humanity to everyone, especially the children. It holds them accountable.

5) Adult time -- Children are taught that there are not the center of the universe by parents observing the daily ritual of "adult time" -- from bedtime until morning, children are expected to stay in their room. As Druckerman writes, French parents "treat 'adult time' not as an occasional, hard-won privilege, but a basic human need" (187). This is why it's not unusual for French children to spend 10 days or two weeks with their grandparents or why children as young as four-years old take week-long class trips.  

My reflection: I relish adult time. When Natalie is awake she is my absolute focus, but at night Matt and I need time to ourselves. Although I don't think we're at the level of taking a two-week vacation without her, I am seriously contemplating celebrating her first birthday by taking a little parents-only weekend.

6) Authoritative parenting: "It's me who decides" and "no" -- I remember learning in AP Psychology that authoritative parents (versus authoritarian parents) have the most well-adjusted kids. Apparently the French read my psych textbook, too. They rely on a firm "no" to help set limits for their children and are willing to back up their authority by reminding children that they make the decisions, not the children.  

My reflection: Absolutely kids need firm limits. I am finding myself already telling Natalie "no" when she tries to get into something dangerous or tries to yell to get her point across (a point that was clear before any yelling ensued). Having dogs has at least helped me develop a firm "no." Saying "no" seems like the easy part, though. It'll be how to follow up after the "no" that I'll constantly need to work on.

7) Autonomy -- Ultimately, French parents want their children to learn to be autonomous. They don't want to micromanage their kids by hovering, helicoptering or otherwise controlling. To this end French parents encourage independent play. Not only does teaching a child to be content playing by himself or herself relieve some pressure on the parent to be constantly entertaining the child, it also helps the child develop creativity, problem-solving skills and, in the long term, autonomy. Druckerman frequently conjures the image of French parents at a playground, mostly on the sidelines, chatting among themselves, contrasted with American parents at a Brooklyn playground narrating every single thing the kid is doing in a (competitive) effort to develop early language.  

My reflection: I thoroughly enjoy playing with Natalie, reading to her, taking her to nursery rhyme sessions at the library, and all other shared activities that fill our days. I look forward to the day when she can climb around on a playground and I'll do some of it with her. But I also believe it's important for her to play alone some each day, whether in her crib or on the floor. I enjoy moments to myself and moments of silence; no doubt she does, too. I've even noticed sometimes if I go into her nursery too soon after she's woken up from a nap she'll often cry -- almost as if I'm interrupting her time to herself -- but she doesn't cry when I enter several minutes after she's woken up. Instead, on these occasions, I'm greeted with a smile and sometimes a giggle or an intense happy flailing of arms.

There are definitely elements of French parenting I disagree with, but those are not nearly as compelling of a discussion, so I'll spare you the details. The point for me is that no single book -- or culture, for that matter -- has all the answers. As I move from "sustainer of life" to "parent" I'm hoping this book will help me as I develop a parenting philosophy of my own.

The Happiness Project: Clutter = energy-zapper

This month's book club pick, thanks to my friend Lindsay, our host for June, is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. This book, in keeping with of other books I've read in the last few years such as The Year of Living Biblically and A Year Without Made in China and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, is another one of those books in the author-does-a-year-long-project-so-she-can-write-about-it category. But I still really like it, perhaps because it inspires me to tackle long-term projects or at least keep resolutions. This book involves 12 chapters each focused on one month's particular goals.

The first chapter of the book, after she sets up her philosophy for her project, is set in January when she decides that her month's task will be to focus on improving her energy levels. She writes about exercising giving her energy, which is something I can totally relate to, but she really brought me on board in the second half of chapter 1, when she started preaching the gospel of organization. Declutter your house and your declutter your life, she believes. Sing it, sister!

As you may recall, we don't deal with much clutter in our house. We are vicious donaters and recyclers, seasonally clearing out any unused goods from our home. This year's spring cleaning, like last year's, involved another six large garbage bags of items donated to Goodwill. Last weekend I bought four new items of clothing and promptly removed a couple items from my closet that are no longer fashionable or flattering. If we get a gift that doesn't suit our tastes or lifestyles, we immediately put it in the donations pile -- which is why it's best to give us either alcohol, experiences, or nothing at all.

Rubin starts out much less ruthless with her clutter-cutting strategies, but once she discovers the addictive nature of purging and the freedom of newfound space in her New York City apartment, she is converted to my team.

Here are some other gems she shares regarding clutter:
"One study suggested that eliminating clutter would cut down the amount of housework in the average home by 40 percent" (25). This perfectly describes our home life. I feel like we clean a lot less than the average Americans not because we let our house fall into shambles but simply because we just don't have that much stuff (comparatively speaking) to maintain and clean around.

As she surveys the clutter of her home, she divides it into several categories I think many of us can relate to. See which of the following apply to you, and if you're like me you'll get a kick out of this, too:

• nostalgic clutter (27) -- yes, I have two Cabbage Patch Kids in our house and one giant stuffed Fievel doll from An American Tale fame in our master closet, but these were my dearest childhood possessions and I can justify keeping those. But those Doc Martens in the corner of our master closet now officially need to go.
• conservation clutter -- items we keep because we think they'll be useful but they wind up being useless to us (such as light bulbs that do not fit any fixtures in our house...those need a new home, stat) (27)
• bargain clutter "which results from buying things simply because they're on sale" (27) which is one reason why I loathe trips to Costco, but I'm thankfully so hyper-aware of this pitfall that I don't fall into this trap.
• freebie clutter (27) -- another thing I despise and another reason why I tend to not be a sucker for items that are otherwise crappy but perhaps evolutionarily appealing because they are free
• crutch clutter (28) -- worn out items we need to get rid of. Aside from the now-ratty Google sweatshirt my brother gave me while he was still working there upwards of a decade ago, I don't believe I have anything else that falls into this category.
• aspirational clutter (28) -- "things I owned but only aspired to use" -- this is why I still haven't bitten the bullet and purchased a sewing machine. I still have a nagging feeling I might never bother learning how to sew.
• buyer's remorse clutter (28) -- "when, rather than admit I'd made a bad purchase, I hung on to things until somehow I felt they'd be 'used up' by sitting in a closet or on a shelf." This is one that, like bargain and freebie clutter, I tend to avoid because I've learned from past mistakes and over analyze most purchases.

When she gets her apartment in order, Rubin then talks about a strategy for maintaining such order. She takes on one her Commandments, "Do it now," meaning that if there's something she can accomplish now in one minute rather than postponing it and letting it fester, she should just go ahead and do it already (33). Again, I wanted to shout, "Preach, girlfriend!" Sort that mail when you get it, empty the dishwasher when it's clean, put away your coat and shoes when you walk in the door, make the bed, floss daily, file that paper, shred that document, send that quick email. She also applies an "evening tidy-up" principle to her new daily maintenance routine. This reminds me of my 5-45 rule, whereby I spend just a few minutes each daily on simple household tasks and then devote about 45 minutes once a week to bigger-ticket items, such as bathroom cleaning or dusting.

I know that the rest of Rubin's book has plenty of great advice in it, but this chapter especially spoke to my organizational side. What are your reactions to Rubin's strategies? Have you found other secrets to decluttering your home?

How to spot-clean carpet

It looks like dog-shedding season and dog-vomit season in our house have intersected. First it was last week, when Doc threw up at 3 a.m. and my killer reflexes caused me to bolt up in bed, groaning and annoyed. Then it was this morning at 5:30, right after Maxwell ate breakfast and threw up not once, not twice, but a solid SIX TIMES in a row. If I didn't know my dogs, I would think there was something terribly wrong with them. But, they occasionally throw up, kind of like cats and babies. Even our vet sees no cause for alarm.

So, I monitor the little guys and what they put in their mouths, and I come up with a plan for cleaning up the mess.

Back in my not-so-green days I would use Spot Shot for cleaning carpet stains. In my experience, it really does work well, and I was happy when, a couple years ago, I could buy some non-toxic Spot Shot (and a double-bonus for the non-aerosol bottle). But then I decided, people have been cleaning carpets way before Spot Shot entered the picture, and Spot Shot doesn't last long and it's pricey (when you have two big, pukey dogs).

I'm happy to announce I've found a solution!

This rag, this measuring cup, and this book have become a bit of an institution in our house.

Here's the procedure (slightly adapted from Cheryl Mendelson's Home Comforts)

1. Mix together a solution of half mild detergent and half lukewarm water. (I used my homemade laundry detergent; the point here is to use a non-bleach detergent.)
2. Blot the stain using the detergent solution and a rag. DO NOT rub the solution farther into the carpet.
3. Mix together a solution of one-third white vinegar and two-thirds water.
4. Blot the stain using the white vinegar solution.
5. If you're still not satisfied after you give the area time to dry, try sponging the area with clean water.

Measuring my summers in books

While the good people from Rent measure their seasons in daylights and sunsets and midnights and cups of coffee, I tend to miss sunsets, rarely make it to midnight these days and have tried to reduce the amount of coffee I consume, so I measure my summers in books.

Only this summer, there have not been that many books.

Maybe I've read less because I've spent much more of this summer reading blogs, or we recently switched to Netflix and now have live streaming (and therefore have watched almost every episode of Weeds). Most likely, those three weeks abroad didn't do much to help my reading schedule, although I did manage to read two books while we were gone.

On Monday I go back to work (teacher week -- students return on September 7) and on Tuesday the entire English department gets together. Our annual icebreaker is to share our favorite summer read. I inevitably choose the book I read most recently, and this summer that book is The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman, a novel that reads more like a series of interconnected short stories about the lives of a bunch of (mostly) Americans working in Rome for an international newspaper.

 Besides the fact that I love journalism and Rome, I also love this little passage:

"[Herman, copy editor] opens the paper to the culture pages, which have improved considerably under Arthur Gopal. Nevertheless, Herman spots an offender: the word 'literally.' He snarls, wakes up his computer, and types:

• literally: This word should be deleted. All too often, actions described as 'literally' did not happen at all. As in, 'He literally jumped out of his skin.' No, he did not. Though if he literally had, I'd suggest raising the element and proposing the piece for page one. Inserting 'literally' willy-nilly reinforces the notion that breathless nitwits lurk within this newsroom..."

Reason #174 that I know my husband loves me: He read this book before I did and subsequently dog-eared this page for me.

A quick look at my Google doc spreadsheet containing the list of books I've read lately reveals my other summer reads:

Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell and Know by Alexandra Horowitz -- Great examination of the dog experience. Best takeaway point: No, Cesar Milan, dogs are not wolves, and therefore the be-the-pack-leader mentality isn't always the best solution for understanding your animal.

Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank by Randi Hutter Epstein -- Both the practices of old and the practices of today are equally fascinating. Weird phenomenon I don't understand: Mall stores specializing in 3D sonograms. OK, but then couples invite their 25 closest friends and family to the live viewing. Appropriately enough, the book from my library queue I'm scheduled to pick up tomorrow? America and the Pill: A History of Peril, Promise and Liberation by Elaine Tyler May.

 The Other Wes Moore: One Name, Two Fates by Wes Moore -- Two men named Wes Moore grow up within blocks of each other. One winds up in jail, the other becomes a Rhodes Scholar. This book looks at how they got to be the men they became.

 The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman -- (September's book club pick) This book introduced me to Hmong culture, something I know nothing about, while it examines what happens when a Hmong child who has severe epilepsy is caught in between her family's practice of traditional medicine and the Western medicine they encounter as recent immigrants to America. Takeaway message: It's human nature to think that what we're accustomed to is normal and right and that other peoples' practices are wrong. This, of course, is not always an admirable trait.

 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee -- I wish I could say I reread this book in light of its 50th anniversary, but shockingly I have made it through life up until this point without ever reading it. I consider myself pretty well-versed in American and British classics, so I had to get this one under my belt. Now I'm on the lookout for other books that I've somehow missed along the way.

What books have you read lately that you'd recommend?

Book review: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

The June book club book was Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, and although June book club happened a week and a half ago, I finally finished the book. This is unusual -- I am usually one of the two people who consistently finishes reading on time, but this one was 12 CDs worth, which I would argue is six CDs too many. So, on Saturday, I finally finished listening to the book, while on the way to a bachelorette party, no less.

If you're not familiar with this story, it's the nonfiction account of Kingsolver's family participating in a year-long experiment of eating locally. Just as eating locally was a family effort, three of the four family members participate in the writing of this book. Kingsolver is the main narrator, but 19-year-old daughter Camille writes little anecdotes from the young-adult perspective, and husband Steven adds sidebars about local eating research, trends and nutritional information that puts the family's experiment in a more global perspective.

Kingsolver and her family were not trying to say that this year of experimentation and lots of farming and canning and freezing is for everyone. In fact, toward the end of the book Kingsolver admits this lifestyle is for few people. I am glad she finally admitted that, because, frankly, that was the main thing going on inside my head as I spent a month listening to this story while driving to and from work.

Overall, I appreciate the concept of eating organically and locally. I also recognize, though, that local and organic produce can be a luxury for many. Working families have limited time and limited money. Local and organic produce is available at farmer's markets, but in my opinion attending those is a luxury for the upper-middle class. Moreover, organic produce at a grocery store almost always costs more than non-organic produce. Finally, growing the organic produce yourself requires time (another disadvantage for the working class) and space (something that even the wealthy may not have).

There are messages about the value of local and organic food contained within this book that most readers can apply to their own lives in however small ways, but these are messages I've read in other books about food, such as The Omnivore's Dilemma, Twinkie Deconstructed and Fast Food Nation. I guess I view her entire experiment as a luxury few people could realistically pursue. As a popular, accomplished author, Kingsolver has a lot more flexibility with her schedule. Kind of like a full-time blogger who writes about home improvement and can therefore spend time every day taking on home-improvement tasks, Kingsolver is ultimately getting paid to conduct this experiment.

The book is accompanied by the family's website, which features recipes from the book and resources about local eating.

I'm not upset I read this book, but I didn't feel overly connected to much of it. There was, though, somewhat randomly this one line I loved when she was talking about the winter holiday season, "We do not adhere to the admonition of any religion that encourages its followers to buy stuff no one needs." My sentiments exactly.

Tangibility

Part of being able to get stuff done is to figure out what motivates you.

Today I remembered something important about myself while listening to my book on CD (this month's book club choice) Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. She talks about farmers and gardeners who love the feel of soil beneath their fingers, who love to see the physical product of all their hard work. After three years tending to a humble herb garden, I can say that, while I never thought I'd be much of a gardener, I can relate to this concept.

Why can I appreciate gardening? Part of what motivates me are those tasks that produce tangible results.

But it doesn't quite stop there. I like tasks that produce longer-lasting tangible results. This is why I like cleaning and I hate cooking.

Clean = the item can be clean for a week or more.
Cook = the food may be gone in minutes.

I realize that liking to clean makes me odd, and many more people I know prefer to cook because, among other reasons, it's a way they display love for family and friends. I guess one way I show love is by giving you a peaceful, clean environment in which to eat that delicious food (that Matt) cooked for you.

Tangibility is why I prefer real mail to email.

Tangibility is why I take so many pictures. (And why I was the historian of the Spanish Honor Society in high school for -- not one -- count them: TWO years in a row. Big deal, I know. Matt makes fun of me weekly for this one.)

Tangibility also relates to being organized. I can see my organized closet, spice racks, pots and pans, bookcase, garage. With the occasional light straightening, those places stay organized, and with a little effort I reap maximum rewards.

Tangibility even relates to my career choice thus far. Now, I realize that teaching on a day-to-day basis can sometimes seem like running on a treadmill -- a lot of work, and you don't get anywhere. At times this is true. It's hard to see change in people when you see them every day. But, at times like today, when my students are finishing off their major assignments for the year, I watch the "ah-ha" realizations on my students' faces. I can see the product of their hard work, which is, by default, the result of my hard work as well, and I know we've made significant progress. Today my Broadcast Journalism students finished their short documentaries, their final project of the year. Today my newspaper students worked on their final deadline for their final issue of the newspaper. Today my freshmen worked on analyzing their last poem for their final exam. As they use skills I've taught them throughout the school year and they work fairly independently, I'm pleased with the tangible product I get to embrace after nearly 10 months of challenging work.


I value tangibility. Knowing this about myself keeps me going, even on the rough days. Even on the days I literally work for 12 hours nonstop, like today.

Tomorrow I will rinse and repeat, but the end is in sight, and I know that the tangible products I'll get to hold in my hands over the next week will make it all worth it.

BPA update

In her comment on my post on Wednesday regarding the book Slow Death by Rubber Duck, reader Mrs. B reminded us of the concern regarding BPA in plastic baby bottles. I'm glad she brought this up. Much of the BPA chapter in Slow Death by Rubber Duck focuses on BPA in children's items, baby bottles in particular. In fact, the authors successfully lobbied the Canadian government (both authors are Canadian) to ban children's items containing BPA.

Two years ago, when problems with BPA were really entering the national spotlight, I got rid of our BPA water bottles and upgraded to Sigg bottles. Of course, then about a year later Sigg announced a voluntary trade-in of its water bottles that may (or may not) be lined with BPA.

The couple that drinks out of Sigg bottles together stays together.

Thinking more about BPA got me thinking about my Oxo Pop Canisters that I love so much. These containers are made of hard plastic, so yesterday I flipped them over to find the number label. I suspected #7 plastic, the kind known for containing BPA, and I was right. But, I was pleasantly surprised to read underneath the #7 (found inside the recycling symbol) the word "other" and then below that the letters BPA crossed out inside a circle. No BPA! Hooray!

Can you spot the anti-BPA symbol? Look closely!

Book review: Slow Death by Rubber Duck

I am certainly not a germophobe, but I am most certainly a chemophobe. That's why when I heard about this new book -- Slow Death by Rubber Duck: The Secret Danger of Everyday Things by Rick Smith and Bruce Lourie -- I had to check it out (literally, from the library). Here's a book that further confirms my beliefs that we're all swimming in a pool of unhealthy chemicals that in many cases lead to an increase in various illnesses, most notably cancer.

This book spends eight chapters highlighting case studies dealing with seven extremely common yet ultimately unsafe chemicals we all encounter daily, along with the latest research by scientists and government agencies supporting that yes, in fact, these chemicals possess harmful side effects.

Here are the dirty seven:

• Phthalates -- usually the chemicals that provide fragrance, but also present in some children's toys (like rubber ducks!).
• Perfluorochemicals (PFCs -- aka Teflon) -- though normally just thought of in frying pans, these chemicals are increasingly in an array of products, including fast-food packaging (pizza boxes) and Gore-Tex clothing.
• PBDEs (aka flame retardants) -- most infamously in children's pajamas, but also found on much furniture or in electronics.
• Mercury -- found in large fish (think tuna), and also now being used in the popular compact fluorescent lights.
• Tricolsan (aka anything antibacterial) -- found in many hand soaps and sanitizers, but also showing up in cosmetics and household cleaners.
• Pesticides -- DDT is mostly a thing of the past, but others, such as 2, 4-D are popular and toxic.
• Bisphenol A (aka BPA) -- a common component of #7 plastics.

Some of these chemicals have faced more regulation over the last few decades; some are being regulated in certain parts of the world or the country; some are hardly regulated at all.

The authors add a personal element to the book by experimenting on their own bodies using these chemicals. They don't do anything outrageous; they eat tuna, microwave food in plastic containers, and breathe in air freshener, among other everyday activities. Then they enlist several scientists to help them collect frequent blood and urine samples before, during and after exposing themselves to everyday toxins. The results are, of course, troubling when the authors provide charts illustrating their initial toxin levels followed by toxin levels after exposure that are sometimes several times the amount deemed safe by the Centers for Disease Control.

Chapter 9, titled "Detox," is the most practical chapter of them all. If you're already convinced that chemicals in everyday products are bad for you, you can just skip to this chapter. "Detox" teaches you how you can reduce these toxins. Realistically, you can't avoid toxins. Even Inuit people near the Arctic Circle have toxins, such as PFOA (aka Teflon), in their blood because this chemical lasts for centuries once it's in our environment.

So, "Detox" helps you live with toxins. Now, I am not giving up my shampoo and conditioner, but I am trying to be careful when it comes to many of the suggestions given in this book. Most of this chapter reconfirmed some of my beliefs, and other parts gave me some new suggestions. Some highlights:

• Phthalates -- Eventually take down our PVC shower curtain liner and replace with a more natural product.
• Perfluorochemicals (PFCs -- aka Teflon) --Dump our non-stick pots and pans if they show signs of scratches, which is when they become a more serious hazard.
• PBDEs (aka flame retardants) -- Donate or recycle old electronics to avoid increasing the amount of PBDEs in the environment (check!)
• Mercury -- In addition to not eating much tuna (done), always return mercury-containing products, such as compact fluorescent light bulbs, to stores such as Home Depot that recycle them properly.
• Tricolsan (aka antibacterial) -- Give up my Bath and Body Works antibacterial hand soap (but it smells so good...probably from the phthalates).
• Pesticides --We can't afford to eat all organic, all the time, but we can do a better job of buying The Dirty Dozen in organic varieties.
• Bisphenol A (aka BPA) -- Never heat up food in the microwave in plastic containers, which includes plastic wrap. (Side note: Plastic wrap is something I've always hated, mostly because I can't for the life of me figure out how to make it stick without using half a roll.)

Now, if you know me, you know I don't advocate getting rid of items that still function appropriately. So, I won't be throwing anything out or radically altering my existence as a result of this book, but I will try to make better choices whenever I plan to bring something new into our house.

Tip 55: Books on CD

Tonight is May book club, and I'm excited to get together with the ladies. We read A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby, but this time I tried something a little different....

Tip 55: Try "reading" a book on CD. Even if you have a short commute, you'll be surprised at how quickly you can get through an entire book.

You know I am a big fan of the public library, and this month when I was there to drop off some books, I realized I needed to look for this Hornby book as well. My library branch was all out of the book, but it did have a copy of the book on CD. I looked at the eight discs and thought, "Will I be able to get through this in time for book club?" The answer is yes, with time to spare.

My commute is only about 15 minutes each way, max, and now that my school's seniors have to decided to essentially stay home from school for this remaining six weeks they're legally expected to attend, I face even less morning traffic. With only about 30 minutes in the car each day Monday through Friday, I still managed to get through this book in less than two-and-a-half weeks.

At first I worried that I wouldn't be able to pay attention. I am a huge visual learner, and my only experience with audiobooks was during our cross country trip in 2008. Back then, though, we were spending many hours in the car, nearly enough time in some stretches to listen to an entire book on CD from one city to the next.

Now I am thinking I need to have a more sustained attempt at audiobooks. So, I just picked up my next audiobook, This Book is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All.

In the meantime, if you're staking out a Nick Hornby audiobook, I enjoyed listening to A Long Way Down on CD. At first I thought this book would be depressing, as it centers on four characters who meet as they are each preparing to commit suicide, but it wound up being way more engaging than I could have imagined. Listening to this book on CD was maybe more of an experience than reading it because the four main characters are played by four different actors, each with distinct voices, making this more like a radio play than a traditional audibook.

If you've got really limited time, though, and you want to read the best Nick Hornby book I've come across so far, might I recommend How to Be Good.

Happy reading!

Book review: Stop Getting Ripped Off

So, I'm hosting book club tonight at my house, and as the host we appear to have a trend going where I have the last say on the book selection. Being the nerd that I am, this month I picked a financial literacy book for my group. All of us are pretty savvy ladies, so none of us "need" this book, but I heard good things about it before I picked it up, and it did teach me some nice tricks along the way. Here's the scoop.

Title: "Stop Getting Ripped Off: Why Consumers Get Screwed, and How You Can Always Get a Fair Deal"
Author: Bob Sullivan
Publication year: 2009
Now in paperback for $10.20 at Amazon

Why I liked this book:

• It is well organized. Clearly this is going to resonate with me. There are three parts -- part 1, an overview; part 2 chapters about how you can "stop getting ripped off, one deal at a time," where each chapter focuses on a different aspect of our daily lives; part 3: how to implement your financial dreams by following the "pitfall-proof pyramid."

• The book is filled with practical, clear advance. This is another huge plus for me. I love how-to books that are straight to the point. There is lots of information you can start implementing tomorrow.

• The author's goals. Sullivan does not claim to have a perfect solution for everyone. This book is not about how to get rich quick. This is not even a book about how to get rich. Instead, he's trying to show how, in both big and small ways, we can all make sure that we're looking out for our financial selves. And you can pat yourself on the back for already doing so many of the strategies he outlines.

Some of the highlights:
Here's the wisdom Sullivan shares that I am happy to pass along. I have not applied this wisdom myself, but these practices may be adopted over here at some point.

• Get an allowance checking account with no overdraft protection. This is his solution for anyone who shares a joint checking account. Sullivan recommends that there be one joint checking account from which you pay all the bills, and then each individual gets a certain amount of money each month in a separate account to spend as he or she chooses. Sullivan emphasizes the importance of making sure these accounts do not have overdraft protection, because then the possibility of high fees (even one time) defeats the purpose of using an account like this to avoid poor banking practices.

• Get rid of cable. Growing up, it seemed like a few times a year my parents talked about the possibility of cutting cable because we were "poor," yet we always managed to keep this "necessity." Now cable seems like it's becoming less and less of a necessity. Case in point: "In 2009, complete episodes of nine in ten prime-time network-television shows and roughly 20 percent of cable shows were available online" (169). Most of us probably have friends who have cut cable -- I know I do. Check out CancelCable.com if you're interested in checking out this movement.

• Raise your auto insurance deductible. Sullivan claims that raising it from "$200 to $1,000 will save you about 40 percent on the cost of comprehensive insurance" (186), and he believes in a little something he calls self-insurance, meaning you set aside money in an account (and I assume clearly labeled as well) that would cover the cost of your higher deductible if and when you need it.

• Or you could straight up drop comprehensive and collision coverage. He says you should just be sure you have a savings account worth the value of your car so you could replace it. He is talking about those of us, like me, who have cars that aren't worth much anymore so that if  faced with the choice between a major, multi-thousand dollar repair, or a new car, we might opt for the new car (190).

• You need life insurance when you have children. You've probably heard this before. I've heard it too, but I never really thought much more about it. Now I know about this Web site Sullivan suggests -- LifeHappens.org, which provides a tool for you to calculate how much insurance you should have should you die. (Can you imagine being a life insurance salesperson?) Also something I never thought of: the older you get, the less life insurance you need. It's totally intuitive now that I know it, but for some reason I always thought of it in reverse (as you get older, you're more likely to die, so you should need more insurance...WRONG!)

• Find out what you're worth. As a teacher and government employee whose income is posted online for anyone to see, I always wonder about everyone else. What are they making? Here's a site that could at least fulfill my morbid curiosity: salary.com (simple, right?). So if you're looking to change careers you can get a realistic sense of what to expect, and if you're looking to negotiate a raise at your current job (except for us government employees) check it out.

• Examine the annual fees associated with your investment accounts. I admit, here's an area where I am a bit of a financial idiot. All I know is that the numbers in this book are shocking when you see how much of your money can go to annual fees, and how in many cases if you have high-fee accounts you would be better off putting your money in a high-interest savings account (see pages 276-277).

There is also an entire chapter about paying for college. I shared it with my students. I think it made them depressed, but I am not sure. I hope it just made them realize that when they're the age of their hip journalism/English teacher, they would be really happy if they were debt-free like me. I hope they will listen.

Next up...a detailed look at how to tile (I know, I've been putting this longer post off, but it's been a busy week!)

Tip 27: the wonder of vinegar

Around this time last year I became convinced that everything in this world is going to kill us, so I started to try to postpone the inevitable by eating organic (when reasonable) and eliminating at least some chemicals from our house. While it usually costs more money to eat organic, it usually costs less to make your own cleaners. Turns out...

Tip 27: Vinegar is the base of almost every homemade household cleaner. Break out the spray bottles and keep your house stocked!

Vinegar is so great it deserves a haiku:

Base of cleaners
Acetic acid, water
Keep your pantry stocked

Of course, if you're a vinegar scholar, you'd know that the above poem specifically deals with distilled white vinegar, the subject of our admiration.

Here are two do-it-yourself vinegar-based cleaners that work just as well as any store-bought chemical solution (and no, your house will not smell like vinegar, as I originally feared when I began this experiment):

Glass/mirror cleaner

• 1 cup distilled white vinegar
• 2 cups water
• Store in a spray bottle
• To be extra green, use newspaper or an old T-shirt when washing windows and mirrors. Yes, at first I was skeptical as well, but newspaper will not leave ink stains on your glass.

All-purpose cleaner (for bathrooms, countertops...but not marble or granite!!!)

• 1 cup vinegar
• 2 cups hot water
• 2 teaspoons borax
• 1/2 teaspoon castile soap
• You'll notice that this recipe is not all that different from the one above. In fact, unless you're dealing with a particularly greasy/grimy situation, I'm an advocate for just using a vinegar/water solution to tackle most everyday cleaning situations.

Vinegar has buddies? Borax? Castile soap? What are they?

Well...meet borax. I found him at Target right near the laundry detergent. One box will last you a long time. It's got the consistency of baking soda, maybe a little more gritty. It's part of any do-it-yourself laundry detergent, and even if you're not quite there yet, it can be added to the wash to help remove stains. Pictured below is a 4 lb., 12 oz. box that ain't running out any time soon.

Now, meet castile soap. I found this guy in the natural foods and cleaning products section of my beloved grocery store, Wegmans. The product below is called Desert Essence Castile Liquid Soap with Organic Tea Tree Oil, 32 oz. size. Sounds fancy, but it's basically just liquid soap without the antibiotic additives and no animal ingredients. This is the base of do-it-yourself liquid dish washing soaps. Like the borax, I will have this product for a long time.

If you are going to make your own cleaning products, you need:
A funnel. Don't make a mess while you're trying to clean! I love this silicone one...

 

A spray bottle, or two. I would NOT recommend this one from Home Depot. The sprayer really does not work. Instead, I've had success using an old Windex bottle and sprayer. Just be sure to write on the bottle in marker to identify its contents (glass cleaner, all-purpose cleaner, etc.)

How do I know this stuff? I found this great book, Clean Home, Green Home by Kimberly Delaney ($13.57 at Amazon, or to be even greener, buy it used for nearly half the cost!). While I will never devote the amount of time to cleaning that this author suggests, it has encouraged me to seek green cleaning solutions whenever possible. Even though I am an English teacher, I am not a huge proponent of buying books. This book, though, is worth owning if you want to clean green. I find myself turning to this book several times a month for tips and reminders. The book contains straight-forward instructions and lots of charts and diagrams with little needless narrative.

Next up...sometimes even vinegar just isn't enough. A non-green cleaning discovery...