'Enjoy it while you can...'

Lately I've been thinking a lot about parenting styles, and I've been reflecting on a phrase I'm hearing often: "Enjoy [it] while you can..." "It" refers to whatever positive experience I'm having with Natalie. This phrase is then almost always followed by "because..." and some statement. Usually what this implies is, "Things are about to get crappy."

Call me ridiculous, but part of me also can't help but think that there is also a hidden "misery loves company" element to this all in which these advice-givers, consciously or not, are waiting for that crappy period to commence so they can have something to commiserate about.

Part of me also can't help but think that people are so used to being told that parenting a newborn is so difficult that they have to make their experience sound difficult so it will seem like they're doing everything right. Who is ever willing to admit that their experience parenting a newborn was easy? (Thankfully, two of my girlfriends with slightly older babies did admit that to me, and those were a couple refreshing moments of honesty.)

But I digress.

How does "Enjoy it while you can" typically come up in conversation?

For example, with Natalie sleeping through the night -- nine hours in a row for the past two nights, specifically -- I'm told, "Enjoy her sleeping through the night while you can because soon that's going to stop."

This is ultimately a rhetorical statement (and rather annoying to boot) that doesn't warrant a response, but if I were to respond, it would sound something like this: "Thank you, I will enjoy it!"

I feel like too many parents -- new and old -- spend their lives worrying. I recognize that worrying is part of parenting, but this more consuming philosophy seems to be to always be preparing for the future rather than enjoying the present. I suppose this is part of the definition of helicopter parenting -- hovering over the child being ready to anticipate disaster and scoop up the child before it strikes.

This blog clearly chronicles the fact that I like to be prepared, I like to be organized, but I also feel like I've lived this lifestyle to build up to what matters, to get ready for something important. And you know what, that important thing has happened. It's here. I'm living it.

So, despite my genetic predisposition toward worrying and my inclination toward pessimism, I am shocking myself by being (by my assessment) a rather calm parent. In addition to keeping my ongoing resolution to accept the things I cannot control firmly in mind, I am also living a life where I realize I do not know what the future holds, nor do I care to, and I'd like to take parenting one day at a time. As a teacher (in an affluent suburban area) I've encountered many a helicopter parent and I want to avoid that parenting style as much as I can.

Most March 8ths in the D.C. area do not produce temperatures in the low 70s. Most March 8ths the majority of flowers are not in bloom.

Most March 8ths I am not home with an eight-week-old baby girl. And maybe if most eight-week-old babies don't sleep for nine hours straight then I'm just lucky.

Rather than looking at the blooming flowers and thinking that one day they'll die, or looking at Natalie and thinking one day maybe she won't sleep through the night, I'm enjoying it while I can, and I'm totally happy.

New year. New bag. Same attitude.

A year ago I got an amazing new bag. This bag is extra amazing because it looks as good today as it did when I first got it in the store.

Now as I sit here on the eve of my due date, waiting, I am ready to take my newest bag for its test run.

But we don't need a diaper bag yet, because on the eve of my due date there is still no baby.

This feeds in to my resolution. For the first time in my life I am going to carry over the previous year's resolution to the new year. Last year I resolved to accept the things I cannot change. In case you haven't figured it out, a lot of that resolution was wrapped up in my fertility problems.

Now as I sit here on the eve of my due date, reading a book about baby sleep habits, I think about all the habits I'd like to establish for our baby, all the advice I'd like to follow, and the kind of baby I'd like to have in an ideal world. And I realize, again, there is so much I am going to need to just accept that I cannot change.

Ironically, I keep trying to take really long walks to get this labor show on the road, and I know the baby is just laughing at me. She'll arrive when she's ready. It's her very first act, and it's something I can't control.

Tip 70: Just Say No

Whatever happened to that classic anti-drug campaign of the 80s? Good news! I'm bringing it back, just in a slightly different format...Today someone tried to make me feel guilty for saying no, and it got me thinking about an important personal philosophy...

Tip 70: Know your limits. A key to staying organized is to prioritize your time and not feel guilty when you have to say "no."

As organized people, we are frequently bombarded with requests that pose an extra strain on our time. The refrain goes something like this: "You're so organized that I thought it would be easy for you to...." or "But come on, you're so organized! You'd be perfect for..."

A wise person told me when I was a first year teacher that I needed to be comfortable saying no sometimes to requests from colleagues to perform extra work (for no additional compensation). Of course, there are times when it's very appropriate to say yes -- when a new project sounds appealing, when you have a personal investment in something, when you just want to be a good person and help someone out. In some jobs new employees take on extra work to stand out or to try to move up the ladder faster. (This is more relevant in careers where there actually is a ladder. There's no ladder in teaching.)

But you only have so much time in the day, and -- as another wise and now-retired colleague told me a couple years later -- you have to take care of yourself because no one else is going to.

Learning to say no is a philosophy that extends well beyond jobs. How many times have you complained or heard others complain about friend or family "obligations"? Rather than dread a certain social engagement, just say no. I'm not advocating selfishness or a hermit's lifestyle, but I am advocating cutting ourselves some slack and allowing ourselves to be honest and unwind when necessary.

Ultimately, learning to say no requires:
1) Confidence
and
2) Recognition of your our self worth

If your value yourself, you'll value your time. You'll know what you're worth in a monetary sense as well, especially as you evaluate your career opportunities. It's not selfish to take care of yourself.

Tip 67: Slow and steady

All in all, I really like my job. But the worst thing about being an English teacher is grading essays (coming in at a close second: writing college letters of recommendation). Every year I try to come up with a way to make the task more manageable. So far, the best solution I have for this conundrum applies to many other areas of life as well...

Tip 67: When faced with a seemingly monumental task, try tackling a little every day for a week. If you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you'll wind up feeling disappointed.

Right before my students left for winter break, I collected 72 3-page essays. Each essay takes me between 10 and 20 minutes to grade -- the worse the essay, the longer it takes. If you do the math, you'll realize that by assigning this work to my students and grading it thoroughly, I lose a solid 18 hours off my life. With only one and a half hours each work day devoted to planning rather than teaching, it's clear that this task isn't getting done in a timely fashion during the work day.

So, over winter break, I sucked it up and graded 26 of the essays (while also writing a couple college recommendations, creating the English teacher's double-whammy). I did between 5 and 10 per day for a few days. Between Monday and Tuesday this week I got another 18 done, and today at work I got through another stack. I'm down to 12 essays, or three more hours of work. Between tonight and tomorrow during the day I want to finish this work.

A true sign of accomplishment: Today I can fit all my remaining essays to be graded inside my fabulous new bag. Victory!

The point of all this is, in the past I've found myself staring dumbfounded at a seemingly endless pile of essays. But today I've moved beyond that attitude. Now I simply tell myself to do a little work each day. It really does make it much less painful.

Apparently there are some English teachers out there who can grade any essay in under five minutes. I've never actually met such a person, and if I did I'd have to question how thoroughly she critiques her students' work. To me, this is one task where there aren't many shortcuts, but at least I have a coping mechanism.

Stay busy to stay productive

Lately I've felt busier than I've ever felt in my life. Maybe it's because of my class schedule this year, or that the longer I teach, the more responsibilities I take on. I have few moments to spare, and when I have those few moments of freedom I really relish the experience.

Even though I am (too) busy these days, I am super productive, and I don't mean productive in a multi-tasking kind of way. (I'm still not quite sure what multi-tasking is because I can only focus on one activity at once, but I know multi-tasking must be bad for you.) In fact, I am more productive in the fall than I am in the summer. Although this seems counter-intuitive -- shouldn't I get more done when I have more time? -- I actually work better under the restrictions of a schedule than I do when given the freedom of flexibility. That flexibility sometimes feels endless or even daunting, and it sometimes causes me to lose that edge that drives me to complete projects in a timely manner.

I think about this as a teacher and try to relate this experience to my students. Many of them get their best grades during the season(s) in which they play a sport. Participating in athletics forces them to prioritize their time. It gives them the structure to stay focused. I know this applies to me.

I'm curious: does this concept hold true for you? Are you most productive when you have the most time commitments on your plate?

Open letter to myself: Re-read in November

It seems appropriate that I was inspired to write this open letter to myself on the first day of fall.

Let me explain.

Unlike apparently every blogger in the world, I kind of hate fall. And winter. And the beginning of spring. I live for May, June, July, August and early September. Specifically, though, I hate November.

Something triggers inside my brain every November 1, causing me to dislike my job and generally my life. And this is totally ridiculous. Why? Because I have a pretty kickin' job and life.

So, in the hope that public quasi-humiliation/posting this on the Internets will kick me into shape, I present to you my open letter to myself.

To be re-read on November 1:
Dear Stephanie,

Every year Matt tells you to write a letter to yourself over the summer reminding you not to hate your life come November 1. Well, summer passed, but this first day of fall is beautiful and you're still in good spirits, so now is as good a time as ever to put this in writing.


Don't hate your job. Sure, it doesn't pay that well, but you knew that all along, and you and Matt are doing fine (for now). And yes, you work long hours because you care about your job and you're good at what you do, but at least you're doing a job that matters. You get to be creative and independent every day, another perk not everyone has in their careers.

Sure, your students probably haven't made too much progress yet, because you've only been teaching them for a couple months. Remember how great those concluding lessons were in June, when everyone suddenly got what you were trying to teach them since September? It will happen again this coming June. Just wait.


You hate the dark. November always seems like the darkest month. Try to live with it. This too shall pass. Remember what it's like in June when it's light until 9 p.m.? Only seven more months until you get to experience that again. In the meantime, keep your energy up. Resist the urge to fall asleep on the sofa at 5:30 p.m., eat popcorn for dinner, and then totally fall asleep for real at 8:30 p.m. This is a pathetic life. You're not even 30 yet!


Instead of falling asleep in that dark darkness, go with Matt to walk the dogs. Cook a new recipe. Read your book club book. Find a place in the house to beautify. Start watching a new TV series on Netflix. Go to the gym! Plan a trip. If all else fails, remember: most people's jobs are not as good as yours. Every Monday means there's only four more days until Friday. And you get something few adults can claim: spell it with me, S-U-M-M-E-R V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N.

Tip 64: Electronic lists

What is the hardest part of doing any job? If you said starting, this tip might be for you...

Tip 64: Keeping electronic to-do lists on file is a great way to help you feel focused and less overwhelmed when faced with seemingly daunting tasks. Most importantly, it keeps you from reinventing the wheel.

Today's tip is inspired by the start of the school year, as any teacher might guess. Every year we have to do what seems like 10,000 small and large tasks before the students walk in the doors. The longer I do this job, the better I get at estimating what I need to do and when, but this year I'm in the best spot I've ever been thanks to some smart work I did early last year. A year ago as I was preparing my classroom and my curriculum, I made a Word document of every little task I did. The 10 minutes of extra time it took me to translate all my hand-written lists into one simple file was definitely worth it. When I walked into school yesterday I printed out my to-do list and got to work.

 Confession: Sometimes when I get super busy I forget to eat lunch, so yes, I actually sometimes have to remind myself.

What are some of the things I have to do every year? I won't overwhelm you, but here's a quick peak:

• Set up technology cart (VCR, DVD, LCD projector, speaker, computer)
• Hang posters
• Gather and organize office supplies
• Get parking pass
• Renew my membership in scholastic journalism organizations
• Revise syllabus for four different classes
• Request IT team to grant my journalism students access to shared server space
• Make photocopies of all papers for first week
• Set up class websites
• Set up electronic gradebook

And that's just the beginning. Take the list above, multiply it by 6, and that's the work I need to accomplish the week before students arrive, in between hours of meetings that take up a decent chunk of the week.

This list has kept me sane. It has kept me from staring at a wall, or hitting my head on a desk, or hiding behind a pile of boxes, afraid to start.

My friend and colleague Cara likes to say that one of the things she loves about teaching is that it's different every year. Different students, different class schedule, sometimes different subjects, and a changing group of colleagues every year. I agree. But, at the same time, this means that every first week back is almost like going through new employee orientation every year. It can be a lot. The one constant? My list!

This organizational strategy can be easily adapted: electronic holiday card lists; electronic back-to-school supply lists; electronic packing lists for college students heading back to campus; electronic shopping lists with weekly menus.

How do you prepare to tackle complex organizational tasks?

Teachers: Stay tuned this week as I share some more teacher-friendly organizational strategies (that can also be adapted for other purposes as well!).

Tangibility

Part of being able to get stuff done is to figure out what motivates you.

Today I remembered something important about myself while listening to my book on CD (this month's book club choice) Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. She talks about farmers and gardeners who love the feel of soil beneath their fingers, who love to see the physical product of all their hard work. After three years tending to a humble herb garden, I can say that, while I never thought I'd be much of a gardener, I can relate to this concept.

Why can I appreciate gardening? Part of what motivates me are those tasks that produce tangible results.

But it doesn't quite stop there. I like tasks that produce longer-lasting tangible results. This is why I like cleaning and I hate cooking.

Clean = the item can be clean for a week or more.
Cook = the food may be gone in minutes.

I realize that liking to clean makes me odd, and many more people I know prefer to cook because, among other reasons, it's a way they display love for family and friends. I guess one way I show love is by giving you a peaceful, clean environment in which to eat that delicious food (that Matt) cooked for you.

Tangibility is why I prefer real mail to email.

Tangibility is why I take so many pictures. (And why I was the historian of the Spanish Honor Society in high school for -- not one -- count them: TWO years in a row. Big deal, I know. Matt makes fun of me weekly for this one.)

Tangibility also relates to being organized. I can see my organized closet, spice racks, pots and pans, bookcase, garage. With the occasional light straightening, those places stay organized, and with a little effort I reap maximum rewards.

Tangibility even relates to my career choice thus far. Now, I realize that teaching on a day-to-day basis can sometimes seem like running on a treadmill -- a lot of work, and you don't get anywhere. At times this is true. It's hard to see change in people when you see them every day. But, at times like today, when my students are finishing off their major assignments for the year, I watch the "ah-ha" realizations on my students' faces. I can see the product of their hard work, which is, by default, the result of my hard work as well, and I know we've made significant progress. Today my Broadcast Journalism students finished their short documentaries, their final project of the year. Today my newspaper students worked on their final deadline for their final issue of the newspaper. Today my freshmen worked on analyzing their last poem for their final exam. As they use skills I've taught them throughout the school year and they work fairly independently, I'm pleased with the tangible product I get to embrace after nearly 10 months of challenging work.


I value tangibility. Knowing this about myself keeps me going, even on the rough days. Even on the days I literally work for 12 hours nonstop, like today.

Tomorrow I will rinse and repeat, but the end is in sight, and I know that the tangible products I'll get to hold in my hands over the next week will make it all worth it.