Two kids, one adult

For the past four weeks, when friends and family would ask how we were doing adjusting to life with two kids, Matt and I would respond that things were going shockingly well. Nothing has changed in that regard, except to say that life got a lot more real yesterday when Matt returned to work full time. Adam's first four weeks of life will forever be referred to as our "honeymoon" period because it really was quite easy having two adults at home managing two kids. Now that Matt's back at work and my work is picking up again, I can't say we're going to have the same easy experience.

So, I am trying to adjust to the new normal. With Natalie, the new normal came at times as a bit of a shock. I had to feed her just the same amount any newborn needs to be fed, but as a first-time mom it felt like I was just always feeding my child. Now I see breastfeeding Adam as a quiet break from the sometimes-chaos of the day. But with two kids the constant question in my mind is, "What do I do when they're both freaking out at the same time?" To this, I have no good answer, other than to say that kids are just going to cry at times, and they'll have to be patient (I know, not really something either of them understands) because one adult cannot handle two kids' every needs at every single minute of the day. I just try not to cry with them.

A particularly good moment

Of course, as I said at the beginning, the transition to two adults and two kids and now one adult and two kids has been majorly easier than I thought it would be. Here are some key points from our new life thus far:

The morning shower necessity
Somewhere between 7:30 and 8:45 a.m. Adam and I are "up for the day." The point is, newborns don't have schedules, right? And newborns sleep the majority of the day anyway, so to say that Adam will or won't be awake at any given time is a crap shoot because he's only awake for about two hours at a time max.

Although I feel about 95 percent recovered from my c-section, I am still experiencing the notorious postpartum night sweats and they absolutely suck. I am so tired of waking up (or really, being woken up) in the middle of the night in a pool of my own sweat. Add to this the fact that it's the dead of winter, so the sweats make me super cold, and I'm just unhappy in bed. The point of this is that for me right now skipping a morning shower is just not an option. As tempting as it is to get in 10 more minutes of sleep, I've been trying to orchestrate a shower for myself every morning so I can not feel disgusting.

There are mornings like yesterday when Adam wakes up at 8:25 am., does a quick feeding, and then sleeps in his crib for another hour, giving me a perfect window for taking a shower before tending to Natalie.

Then there are mornings like today when Adam wakes up at 8 a.m. just as I have started running the shower water and I have to quickly throw on a robe, change him, feed him, soothe him, and manage to get him to sit in his bouncer seat in our bathroom for 10 minutes while I get myself together.

Either way, it's not bad, and I'm not complaining. There's just no sure-fire way for me to get in a shower unless I'm ready at a second's notice when there's a moment of peace.

The obliging toddler
Of all the things in my current bag of tricks, here's the best one: my two-year old happily hangs out in her crib until 9 a.m. I know. This is insane and absolutely not normal, but I am hoping to ride this wave as long as possible. Because Natalie is so obliging, on mornings like this one I was able to feed Adam a second time while Natalie played with her (now eight) stuffed animals who have taken up residence in her crib in her new room. I handed her five books from her bookcase, and while I was in the nursery adjacent to her room I enjoyed eavesdropping on her reading Peter Rabbit and Llama Llama to herself. There's something about hearing her say "Floppsy, Mopsy and Cottontail" that makes me smile.

After Natalie's officially done with her books in her crib for the morning, I get her dressed and then bring her downstairs for a morning bottle (yes, she is still drinking milk three times a day out of a bottle -- it continues to be her final vestige of babyhood). We sit and watch a few videos from her YouTube channel while I put her hair in ponytails (still haven't gotten her a first haircut...probably should). Adam may or may not be with us during this time.

She is still a horribly picky eater, so breakfast may or may not happen, with cereal or berries or a bagel. If I suggest cream cheese on her bagel, she says "no cream cheese." If I assume that she does not want cream cheese on her bagel, based on her track record for the past two weeks, she'll of course insist that I get out that cream cheese and slather it all over her bagel. Such is life with a toddler.

Natalie oversees Baby Adam's activity gym time

In addition to showing a positive interest in what Adam's doing for at least a portion of each day, Natalie has been totally into using her art supplies, which is amazing. I just strap that child into her amazing high chair and let her go to town. I have a whole bin of art supplies stationed above our fridge since Nat's art happens exclusively in the kitchen. That bin and its contents will have to be the subject of its own blog post. What I can say now is that art supplies can keep this child happy for up to an hour at a time, and it is glorious.

Breastfeeding 2.0
Although I could probably also write a whole post about breastfeeding Adam, I'll give you a quick update.

I briefly alluded in Adam's birth story to the fact that I have such better supply this time around. This is definitely thanks to him being with me since birth. This is also likely attributed to the fact that apparently in subsequent pregnancies many women have increased breast tissue. Whatever got me to this point, I am grateful. At Adam's two-week appointment he was already a full pound over his birth weight, which means we are not concerned about growth charts the way we were forced to be when Natalie wasn't up to her birth weight after three weeks of life.

Part of my routine each day is to meet my goal of pumping twice. Some days this happens, some days this doesn't. If both kids oblige me with a mid-day nap, then pumping is something I'm able to do fairly easily after putting Adam down (he's almost always asleep after Natalie gets down for her nap and rarely before she goes down). I had to relearn the fact that I should pump after feeding Adam, not before, and not an hour or two between feedings. This is one of those facts I forgot in the span of the last two years. I also pump at night while Matt is giving Adam a bottle. We've been successfully meeting our goal of having Matt give Adam one bottle a day, right now at night, so he gets accustomed to being fed by someone besides me. Of course, this means that I had to disregard the admonition of the lactation consultant at the hospital, who cautioned me against pumping or bottle feeding before Adam hit the one-month mark. He's still a couple days shy of one month, and I've been pumping practically since the day I returned home from the hospital, and he's been getting a bottle a day since he was about a week old. Breastfeeding has not suffered as a result -- no nipple confusion here. My philosophy with pumping and bottles is definitely to start as early as possible. That means that I now have in our freezer after about four weeks of pumping as much as I ever had in the freezer throughout Natalie's entire life. This will come in handy in the next couple weeks as I resume my work schedule.

As a quick sidenote, the pump itself has turned into a symbol of the latest healthcare legislation. When Natalie was born I rented a hospital-grade pump -- the Ameda Elite -- from where I delivered and kept extending the rental until Natalie was over 10 months old. I planned to do the same thing this time around, but then I discovered that the hospital I delivered at with Natalie no longer carries that pump for rental, and the prices for Ameda pump rentals from there have increased dramatically. Remembering too that under the Affordable Care Act legislation women are able to get coverage for breast pumps, I looked into what my insurance offers. After getting conflicting information from six sources -- the HR person at my husband's work, the head nurse at my practice, two customer service reps through our insurance (whose statements contradicted what our statement of benefits says), our insurance's lactation consultant, and finally my own doctor -- I realized that because our insurance plan was "grandfathered in" and because the employer mandate does not kick in until 2015 (though the individual coverage mandate kicked in this year) I was going to get zilch in the way of breast pump coverage.

Wanting to have a breast pump at our house the moment I got home from the hospital, I researched online breast pump rental options. The best deal I could find came from the AmedaDirect website, which allows users to rent an Ameda Elite pump for 6 months at $240. This offer also includes free shipping (normally $15) and a free accessory kit (normally $50). This is the best deal, as monthly rentals run $50 and do not cover shipping or the accessory kit. So, we're paying for my pump rental out-of-pocket with no hope of reimbursement, but in the grand scheme this is fairly cheap. I know I could buy a single-user pump for the same cost (or even less) but I just love this breast pump. Yes, loving a breast pump is an oxymoron I suppose, but hey, it's super-duper efficient so it takes me just minutes to pump a lot of milk. Renting from the AmedaDirect site has been really easy -- I did not, as the site suggests, have to send in the rental agreement via snail mail but instead scanned and emailed the completed form, and then the pump shipped out the same day I sent the email, arriving at our house within three days of placing the order.

The dual nap
Natalie has been taking one nap per day since right around the time she turned one year old. She goes down for this nap sometime between 12:30 and 1 on a typical day. I've been trying to get Adam to oblige me with a solid mid-day nap at the same time. Yesterday he did not, so I held him for the two and a half hours Natalie was sleeping. Not bad, but not productive. Today, though, he's contentedly snoozing in his room while Natalie tries to fall asleep. Whether Natalie really falls asleep or not during her nap is a little up in the air lately. She used to religiously sleep for about two and a half hours for her nap, falling asleep within moments of me leaving her room, but now she seems to be entertaining herself and taking an hour or more to fall asleep. She's clearly tired when I leave her, but she's no doubt experiencing a little sleep interference thanks to her brother's arrival (they do share a wall, after all). Whether she sleeps or not, though, Natalie is quiet and content in her crib, and she needs this quiet time in order to make it happily to bed time.

When the dual nap occurs, I can eat lunch using both my hands. If there's no dual nap then I need to figure out what I can easily eat in stages, often while standing. Thankfully, the dual nap occurs more often than not.

Because Natalie stays in her crib until at least 3 p.m., and because Matt is usually able to be home from work between 3 and 3:30, the afternoon is pretty manageable. It will not be as easy in a couple weeks when I resume my afternoon and evening work schedule, as Matt will have to rush home, walk the dogs and be ready for a dual-baby hand off within a matter of minutes before I have to get to work, but he will figure out a way to make it work just as I'm learning to care for two kids during the first half of the day.

Nighttime "routine"
Although we're raising Adam in almost an identical way to how we raised Natalie as a newborn, here's something that's different: Natalie stayed in her bassinet next to our bed for about six weeks, whereas Adam spent a little more than two weeks next to our bed before we decided it was time to make the switch. I am way less concerned about whether or not he's breathing (I watched Natalie in the middle of the night like a hawk) because I know that worrying isn't going to change anything. That helped making his transition to his bassinet in his nursery less difficult for me. Adam? He did not notice the change at all. I'm glad we did this as early as we did. I'm sleeping better, Matt's sleeping better, and Adam wasn't affected positively or negatively -- he's just a typical newborn.

One aspect of newborn life that Matt and I kind of forgot is that newborns don't have much of a routine when it comes to sleep and "bedtime" (what is bedtime to a newborn? Isn't their life one perpetual bedtime?). So, we tried a couple weeks ago to get Adam to go to sleep for the night starting around 8 p.m. so we could enjoy some evening adult time. After a few nights of doing what Matt correctly dubbed "chasing our own tails" as it would take a couple hours to get Adam to go to sleep, we finally realized we needed to accept the fact that for at least the next few months we don't get an evening break. We have to trade off who's eating dinner when and live with the fact that one, if not both, of us will be eating cold food.

With Matt back at work, though, we have been trying to change Adam for bed and give Adam a bottle sometime between 9:30 and 10. Ideally, Adam would fall asleep after having a 3-ounce bottle, and then he'd stay asleep for at least a few hours. But, nights like last night remind me that Adam is most content breastfeeding. So, he took the bottle, but then he fussed, and fussed, and fussed. Traditional soothing methods did not calm him down, so I resorted to doing what I do not like to do and breastfed him for comfort rather than nutrition. He barely fed -- because of course he was totally full -- but he did fall asleep within a matter of minutes.

So last night Adam slept for 3.5 hours, then woke up at 2 a.m., breastfed for 15 minutes, and immediately fell back asleep in his bassinet for another two hours. He woke up at 4:30 a.m., breastfed again for another 15 minutes, but wouldn't fall back asleep in his bassinet. Not wanting to experience what we did a couple weeks ago when it would take him at least two hours at a time to fall asleep each time he'd wake up in the middle of the night, I resorted to putting him to sleep in his swing. He slept contentedly in there for another 3.5 hours. This is, for the record, one of his best nights of sleep. Although I don't like to put him anywhere but his bassinet at night, I need to remember -- as my current rereading of my favorite baby book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, reminds me -- that there's really no such thing as establishing bad habits for a baby under four months old. A line I reread last night said to "do whatever is necessary to get your baby to sleep." Duly noted!

Sometimes I wonder if Adam is going to be a good sleeper or not. It's way too early to tell. But I am meticulously tracking his eating and sleeping habits on my iBaby Log app just as I did with Natalie. I can still see all of Natalie's data from two years ago. It's reassuring to see that Adam and Natalie are so far practically identical in their newborn sleep habits. In fact, Adam wins bonus points for the fact that he's willing to take at least one nap a day in his bassinet in the nursery, whereas Natalie basically never did that for the first six weeks of her life, and rarely even took naps in her crib before she was four months old.

Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses?
I'm writing this blog post on a good day after a really good night, so I know it sounds like my life is easy and everything is perfect. And my life is pretty easy and I am pretty lucky as well. But I've also just spared you from another post I drafted on a really crappy day. It sounded really complain-y, so I'm happy to have something real but less annoying to share.

Also, I have yet to venture out of the house with the two kids by myself. That experiment will take place later this week when we (attempt to) attend Natalie's music class. We have done plenty of family-of-four outings, and Matt is getting the hang of the Baby Bjorn carrier we borrowed from our friends (I'm still rocking the Ergo, but Matt's not comfortable getting that on by himself, hence the Bjorn loan). So, for now, while I contentedly hang out at home with two kids, I feel like I have things somewhat under control and will wait to tackle the next challenge of the outside the house adventure in a couple days.

My body, 15 months later

Disclaimer: This is a totally vain post. Just thought I should point that out.

I could have titled this post, "My body, 12 months later" because the information is the same now as it was several months ago, but obviously I do not keep up with blogging the way I used to, so this will suffice.

Nearly a decade ago, long before I had any remote desire to have a child, I remember finding myself in a doctor's waiting room, thumbing through a random magazine which contained a large photo of a woman with all kinds of arrows pointing to all her various body parts, showing how her body would never be the same once she got pregnant and had a baby. Her feet would permanently swell, going up at least one shoe size. Her stretch marks would be there for life. Her weight would increase at least 5 pounds for every baby she had. The information in this magazine was probably loosely based on some scientific research, but even if it was entirely made up, it was enough to convince me I didn't want a baby any time soon.

So, in case you haven't been through the pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding experiences, I thought I'd share my story about how those experiences affected (or didn't affect) my body to offer you some glimmer of hope that you too can get your old body (mostly) back after you go through these events.

The short answer to, "How has my body changed?" is: Not much. I got back to my pre-baby weight within 12 days, thanks to breastfeeding, genetics, and the fact that I gained a healthy amount of weight slowly during pregnancy. I also avoided stretch marks, probably thanks again mostly to genetics and healthy weight gain. My feet did not grow, so those four pairs of shoes I bought while pregnant still fit perfectly.

Here, though, are some less awesome noteworthy details:

1) Although my weight was back to normal super quickly, I retained extra fat on my stomach until I stopped breastfeeding.

This makes sense, given the fact that a breastfeeding mother's body needs to hold on to fat deposits gained during pregnancy in order to help sustain the baby. So, I stopped breastfeeding Natalie when she was 10.5 months old, and by the time her first birthday rolled around my stomach was as flat as it was pre-pregnancy. No one had told me that they got their stomach back when they stopped breastfeeding, but I have a feeling I am not alone in this experience.

2) It turns out I grew a lot of extra hair on my head that then fell out postpartum and is now growing back.

I have these new "wings" of "baby hair" especially noticeable (to me) on either side of my head. These wings of new hair just sprouted in the past few months. Thanks in part to the insanely curly nature of my hair, I didn't realize while pregnant that my hair was in fact getting thicker. Then I didn't realize I was losing more hair postpartum. Now, though, the evidence is pretty obvious, especially when I pull my hair back (which is why I'm trying to keep my hair down as much as possible).

3) My c-section scar is significantly less noticeable now, but it's only just beginning to get back to normal.

Prior to my c-section, I'd never had any kind of surgery. I'd never even had stitches. Having this huge red, bulging scar ripping across my lower abdominal region was making me pretty upset. Plus, my scarred region would hurt when I would lean over Natalie's crib or sometimes even when the air pressure would change. Now the pain is virtually gone (though when the weather changes I sometimes feel a twinge of discomfort) and the scar itself is closer to the color of the rest of my skin and it is hardly raised. No doubt this is just part of the natural healing process, but I also started applying BioOil to my scar around the 6-month-postpartum mark. I wish I had thought of this way sooner, but I'm glad I started using it regardless because I think it did speed up the healing process.

4) My boobs are smaller.

I didn't think this was possible, but it happened. After I stopped breastfeeding, my boobs didn't just get smaller compared to how they were while I was breastfeeding (they were fabulous, thank you very much). They became smaller than they were before I got pregnant. I had vaguely heard  from some other women that this could happen. And it did. Whatever. Twelve-year-old me would be upset, but after a year and a half spent as a temporarily well-endowed woman thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding, I can at least say life is easier with smaller boobs.

That's it. Really. Not that bad. I knew pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding would mean a lot of sacrifice of my own body, and I was willing to do it, but I'm happy to say it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

If I could do it over again...

...I would go with a midwife or a doula.

That's the conclusion. Here's the rest of the story.

It seems to me that to some extent every woman experiences psychological after effects of childbirth. For many women this results in the highly common "baby blues" or the slightly less common but very real experience of postpartum depression. For others who avoid these experiences their psychological after effects might come in the form of feeling overwhelmed by having to care for a baby or feeling isolated from friends and their former lives. Although I did not experience any of the above, my psychological after effects have come in the form of resentment regarding my birthing experience. In the weeks initially following Natalie's birth I was not dwelling on my resentment/hadn't come to terms with my resentment, but ever since then it has been very real.

Last week Natalie turned three months old, and the fact that this is still on my mind shows that clearly this topic matters to me. Every time I lean over Natalie's crib and feel a little pain from my c-section incision I feel a little resentment. I'm reminded of it every time I hear about someone else's "easy" labor, when I look in the mirror, and when I think about the future.

(Now a brief interruption for cute three-month photo shoot highlights...Natalie is quickly developing her trunk strength and can now sit up [supported] for longer periods of time.)

This is not something I've discussed much until now because people seem quick to brush this point aside, saying something along the lines of, "But in the end you got a healthy baby, so that's all that matters." Yes, it is true that once Natalie got out of the NICU we had a healthy baby and for that I am incredibly fortunate, but that does not change the fact that there could be some lasting implications for how this birth experience panned out, particularly in terms of future labor and deliveries.

I think resentment over the birthing process is something a lot of women experience but it falls into the category of events that if not experienced firsthand they're much more difficult to understand. In my limited experience it seems similar to how when a couple struggles with secondary infertility (the difficulty trying to conceive a child after having not experienced fertility problems with previous conceptions) people say, "Be thankful for the baby you have." No, that's not the point. The couple wants another baby. Or when a couple experiences a miscarriage and people say, "You can just try again." Yes, maybe they can try again, but that may not take away from the grief the couple experiences over the loss of life.

So this is my attempt to explain it from my perspective. It truly is one of the few major things in my life that if I had a chance to go back and do differently I would.

There are two reasons why I resent my birthing experience:

1) It landed Natalie in the NICU.

Every doctor and nurse we consulted with in the hospital agreed that the fluid that was in Natalie's lungs after her birth was a result of the c-section. We kept hearing that if she had been born vaginally the fluid would have been squeezed out of her during the birthing process and we almost certainly would not have dealt with a week in the NICU. While our NICU experience was remarkable (for what it was) and we got off easy compared to most NICU families for only being in there a week, it was still perhaps the most challenging week of our lives and something I would have preferred to avoid.

2) It significantly increases my chances of having a c-section in the future.

Who knows if there will be a baby #2, but if there is, he/she is likely going to be born by c-section. There is the VBAC movement (vaginal birth after c-section, in case you're new to this), but from the reading I've done it seems there's about a 50/50 chance for a successful VBAC. (I have found a number of conflicting reports, though, so I would like to know more and will keep reading!) There are lots of complications that can arise. Lots of women attempting a VBAC wind up with c-sections anyway. So, understandably, lots of women who had a prior c-setion opt for a c-section for future deliveries rather than putting themselves through the potential agony of the VBAC process. Trying again and still having a c-section might be worse than just going ahead with a c-section from the get-go.

So how does my experience with the birthing process relate to having a midwife or a doula? Frankly, in my gut I just believe that if I had been in this situation again with a professional female advocate by my side I would have avoided a c-section. My pregnancy was practically textbook, my labor and delivery was not high risk, and any complication I experienced toward the end (namely, cord around the baby's neck) was not highly unusual. I believe if I'd had someone with me pushing (ha!) more for a vaginal delivery that it would have happened. This is not to disparage my husband. He was great in the delivery room, but like me had never been in this situation before. You just can't really know what to expect until you're there, so I think a non-doctor (and let's face it, non-surgeon) presence would have helped me explore all possible options. Then if I'd still wound up with a c-section I'd have felt more confident that this was, in fact, a situation of last resort.

Two documentaries I've watched recently, Pregnant in America and The Business of Being Born, both available through Netflix streaming, confirm my point of view. While I happen to believe both documentaries are a little extreme in their anti-doctor, anti-hospital sentiment, I do believe there is something to be said for the rapid rise of c-section rates in America and the disheartening reasons that appear to be behind them. Here are a few kernels of note from the two movies (most statistics coming from Pregnant in America, which I watched more recently):

In 1975 the c-section rate in America was 7 percent. Today we have a 30 percent c-section rate. This is twice as much as the c-section rate of 15 percent the World Health Organization recommends nations not exceed.

C-section rates spike around the time of shift changes in the hospital. A few weeks before my delivery I asked my own doctor whether or not this is true and she admitted that while this is true nationwide it is not true through her practice. This is because each Kaiser doctor is on rotation at the hospital for a designated 12-hour shift once or twice a month, and as soon as that doctor's shift is up another one shows up to continue working with the laboring moms. Still, interestingly enough, after the doctor who performed my c-section completed the procedure she went home, as did the anesthesiologist and several other support staff in the operating room. So it's even more distressing to me now to consider that many women, perhaps myself included, are rushed into a c-section to accommodate the schedules of hospital staff. Also, virtually all scheduled c-sections and inductions occur Monday through Friday.

Pregnant in America also pointed out that in 1990 10 percent of pregnant women in America were induced, and in 2000 that rose to 20 percent. Every woman I've known who has given birth in the last year has been given an induction date. It's like when doctors notice that a woman is two or three weeks away from her due date -- the due date itself being a total estimate -- she is given an eviction notice that helps doctors plan their schedules. Additionally, getting induced increases the chances of having a c-section by 50 percent or more. Fortunately, I was not induced, but against my better judgement I agreed to allow the doctors to use Pitocin to move my labor along faster. Both documentaries dwell on the fact that one intervention leads to another, resulting in a series of interventions that complicate the birthing experience. My experience falls into this pattern.


And, though you've probably heard this before, it's worth reiterating that our nation's apparent obsession with medical intervention is not winning us awards. In 2011 we had an infant mortality rate of 5.98 per 1,000 live births, ranking us 49th in the world. We are not doing so hot when compared to most other developed nations. Maybe a lot of us could use a midwife or a doula.

The best postpartum gifts

We have continued to be incredibly fortunate to have the most generous family and friends in the world. Before visitors arrive or friends from far away are in touch, everyone wants to know what they can bring. I've been impressed with not only the generosity but also creativity of these visitors and subsequently awesome gift bearers. Because pre-baby I always struggled with what to give someone who's just had a baby (I hate being a redundant gift giver) I thought I'd share with you some of the cool items we've been appreciating lately.

The obvious one is home-cooked meals. Particularly thoughtful friends have spent time researching good foods for breastfeeding moms. As a result we've had some great dinners delivered to us including steak and peppers, Greek salad with chicken, chicken pot pie, brown-sugar marinated chicken and rice, lentil stew, veggie stew, meatball soup, turkey meatloaf...just to name a few. Friends have also delivered awesome sides and desserts such as corn muffins, blueberry muffins (a great breakfast treat), whoopie pies, brownie/cookie bars, and lactose-free brownies (for Matt's diet). Seeing as I can use plenty of calories, I've been thoroughly enjoying some extra dessert as well!

Other awesome gifts include:
Personalized items containing Natalie's name -- since we kept her name a secret from the world, it's been fun to receive in the mail several items containing her name or initials.

Newborn clothing -- we underestimated how much newborn clothing we would need, and with the exception of one outfit, we did not receive any gifts of newborn clothing before Natalie was born. So, it's been great to receive a few sets of footed zipper onesies (the easiest thing to clothe a baby in during the day) and newborn gowns (the easiest thing to clothe a baby in during the night -- makes late-night diaper changes quite simple!). One discovery: Carter's newborn clothing has fit our baby perfectly; the Circo brand at Target has been slightly bigger.

Diapers -- we're going to switch to our cloth Bum Genius 4.0 diapers once Natalie is closer to 12 pounds. Seeing as that will take a while, for now we are using the Pampers Swaddlers that everyone, including the hospital staff, seems to prefer. The 90 diapers we got sent home with from the hospital lasted for about 10 days, and now we've been digging into the massive supply some of our friends brought us last week. Also, on a related note: wipes! These are another item everyone has to have on hand, and we went through 72 wipes in 6 days (since then I think we have learned how to better use the wipes so we can now be more conservative with wipe use).

Magazines/books/Kindle gift cards -- My awesome friend who came to the hospital to be with Matt and me during discharge (aka the worst moment of my life as we left Natalie in the NICU) came bearing about 6 magazines ranging from People and Us Weekly to Real Simple and Vogue. In case you were wondering, this is an amazing arsenal of magazines to have on hand while breastfeeding or waiting for your baby to fall asleep in your arms. I'm also taking full advantage of my new Kindle and trying to read uplifting, hilarious works. This week's pick was Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Office writer and generally funny lady Mindy Kaling (I have a thing for women in comedy). It also happens to be this month's book club read.

Candles -- this is a special request I gave a group of girlfriends who visited the other week. Because I'm adjusting to my new lifestyle of spending most of my waking hours at home as opposed to most of my waking hours at work, I'm loving creating a peaceful, soothing environment here. That means keeping some candles burning as often as possible. It's one thing I did not think to stock up on pre-baby. Another item that goes with this: candle lighters, which for me means one for each level of the house.

Comfortable, breastfeeding-friendly clothes -- OK, this is one I bought for myself, but I was thrilled to have one of my best friends along with me for the shopping excursion I went on about a day after arriving home from the hospital, while Natalie was still in the NICU. We went to Target and Destination Maternity (which is a combo A Pea in the Pod [expensive maternity store] and Motherhood Maternity [pedestrian maternity store] housed under one roof down the street from my house). At Target I got the world's most comfortable robe (with the world's biggest robe pockets, which are large enough to house a Kindle, an iPhone and several baby bottles) and a couple on-clearance button-less cardigans for around-the-house wear. Then we picked up several nursing bras and nursing tanks at Destination Maternity. Pre-baby I had only purchased one nursing bra, not knowing what my preferences and lifestyle would be like, but a baby in the NICU meant I needed lots more nursing-friendly undergarments, stat!

Anything remaining from the baby registry -- I've been trying to keep our baby registry as up-to-date as possible. When I order something from Amazon or Diapers.com, I make sure to take it off our registry. I know most people don't want to buy the most utilitarian items from a registry, such as a crib sheet or a set of infant bottles, but turns out those are the things you most need, so in a pinch, you'll just order it yourself. I did this for a Pack N Play crib sheet the other day. Thankfully, with a Diapers.com coupon and a few more items on the order I got free shipping and the order I placed one afternoon arrived the following afternoon.

Speaking of...
Gift certificates to Amazon, Diapers.com or the store where the couple registered -- Again, no matter how prepared you are before the baby's arrival, there are going to be items you need soon after the baby arrives. We were more conservative with some purchases and some items on our registry, figuring we needed to test the items out with our baby before we committed to getting more. This is the time when you're least keen on going out to stores to pick up these miscellaneous items, so online shopping is, in fact, a godsend. As those of you with babies are probably already well aware, Diapers.com typically has higher prices than Amazon, and Amazon has a program called Amazon Mom which allows users to reap most of the benefits of an Amazon Prime membership for free. As fate would have it, though, beginning on January 12 (Natalie's birthday, for those of you keeping track) Amazon temporarily suspended new enrollments in the Amazon Mom program, so now we're on the waiting list. This is why when I got a couple good offers from Diapers.com I jumped on the coupons and free shipping which ultimately led to a better deal than what I could currently get on Amazon.

What have you appreciated having on hand during your postpartum period?

My c-section recovery

First of all, let me say that I realize Natalie's labor and delivery story may have freaked some people out. I knew this going in, but I firmly believe in being armed with as much knowledge as possible, so I hope my story is also somewhat empowering so that those of you who haven't had children yet can go in with eyes wide open, as I like to say, and that if you're like me more knowledge may actually make you less freaked out. Of course, my good friend has already warned our other mutual friend, set to deliver her first child in May, to avoid reading my blog for the time being.
 
Too bad she'll miss out on adorable baby photos randomly included for your viewing pleasure!

So, today I want to highlight a lot of positives. I will warn you, though, before you get any further that I will again be keeping it very real in this post, so if that bothers you, read at your own discretion.

And when I share with you, hopefully tomorrow, a more detailed account of our time spent in the NICU, I hope you'll see all the positives in that, too, oddly enough. I am not one to lie, so when I say there are lots of positives to be had, well, that is me being blatantly honest. I am the world's worst liar.

My baby-making experience can be summarized as follows:

Degree of difficulty...

• Trying to conceive -- medium (a lot of people have it way worse...trying to keep perspective)
• Pregnancy -- extremely easy
• Labor and delivery -- average difficulty (you may find this hard to believe, but I was hardly in any pain even before getting the epidural, and getting the epidural was not bad at all, and the whole experience took place in less than 24 hours, so I chalk it all up to a small victory)
• Leaving our baby in the NICU after leaving the hospital -- worst moments of our lives (even though our stay was about as short as possible)
• Postpartum period and c-section recovery -- easy
• Taking care of a newborn -- easy (so far....famous last words?)

Today I'll focus on my c-section recovery, since at this point two weeks after having given birth I would say I am 95% healed. Yes, you read that correctly. I think I am basically back to my old self, and in some ways, dare I say it, better than my old self. This is one of those positive stories I've been wanting to share and hoping it will, if nothing else, not keep my best friends from ever deciding to have kids.

Ironically, during our Childbirth Express class after she'd spent approximately 5 minutes barely scratching the surface of the c-section birth experience, the one question I asked the nurse in front of the entire class was, "Could you talk for a few minutes about the c-section recovery process?" With a confused expression on her face, she asked what I meant. I elaborated by asking her to talk about items such as incision maintenance, using the stairs, pain management, etc. She didn't really answer my question, after all, and simply said these are things we'd learn about if and when we had a c-section. Not particularly helpful, considering approximately 30% of births end up as c-sections and we were at a class to get informed in advance.

It also wasn't helpful that out of all the women I've been close enough with to ask questions about their labor and delivery stories over the last five years only one of them had a c-section. Her story, for what it's worth, was at least relatively similar to mine in that she almost went all the way through with a vaginal delivery before the doctors cut her off and performed a c-section. So, at least as I was crying my eyes out on the way to the operating room, I could take some comfort in thinking of my friend who'd been in this situation.

Well, here's what I would say today if I was running that Childbirth Express class, C-Section Edition.

Walking
This is one item that I'd read would be unpleasant. In reality, it really wasn't bad at all. Now, I will say that unlike most moms in c-section recovery at the hospital, I did not have a baby in my room to attend to. But in some ways I actually feel like as I was finally coming out of my drug-induced haze in the early hours of Friday morning approximately 10 hours after her delivery, Natalie's NICU stay provided me with extra motivation to work hard to get back into shape and really meet my little girl.

Quick walking timeline review:

• Thursday, 8 p.m. -- gave birth
• Friday, 6 a.m. -- stood for the first time with the assistance of one nurse and two assistants; walked to the bathroom in my hospital room
• Friday, 11 a.m. -- stood up again with the same assistants as before; walked to bathroom again
• Friday, 1 p.m. -- stood up with the assistance of one person; walked two laps around the Family Centered Care floor
• Friday, 4 p.m. -- stood up by myself and walked around my room
• Friday, 6 p.m. -- once my urinary catheter was removed it became rather necessary for me to (somewhat quickly) get out of bed on my own, so I did and from that moment forward I was up and about
• Saturday, 9:30 a.m. -- finally got to visit Natalie in the NICU, and Matt wheeled me down in a chair
• Saturday, 12 p.m. -- again wheeled to the NICU
• Saturday, 3 p.m. -- walked to the NICU; after this brought the wheelchair along in case I needed it, but only wound up using it a couple of trips because of intense leg swelling (see below)
• Monday, 8 p.m. -- arrived home after the doctors cautioned me against walking up and down more than one flight of stairs in a day and walked up one flight of stairs (we live in a three-story townhouse). Did not walk up second flight of stairs to bedroom until bed time.
• Tuesday, 11 a.m. -- stayed upstairs until it was time to head to the NICU to visit Natalie
• Tuesday, 7 p.m. -- after returning home from the NICU for the day I decide, screw it, I am walking up and down stairs because I feel fine

Swelling
I was really fortunate to never have any swelling in my hands and face during pregnancy, and except for about four days of my late pregnancy I hardly experienced any foot or ankle swelling either.

This good fortunate wore off by day 3 postpartum. I noticed swelling right after I gave birth, but frankly based on the stories I'd heard I expected it to be way worse thanks to all the saline solution coursing through my body. It all caught up with me, though, by Sunday. Three days after giving birth I had to struggle to pull my legs out of bed, and I could not fit into any shoes except the cheap flip flops I brought to wear in the shower. (Preview of hospital-bag-packing post, a retrospective: pack flip flops no matter what season! They may be the only shoes you can wear.) I called this my Nutty Professor moment. My feet literally looked like they had been inflated like a balloon, and if all the pants I'd been wearing hadn't been maybe off loose yoga-pant material I would have surely busted a lot of seams.

Thankfully, one week postpartum I had no more swelling. In fact, when I could see my ankle bones, I told Matt my ankles looked anorexic. He said that's just what ankles look like. I had apparently forgotten. So, turns out I did have some ankle swelling basically all throughout my pregnancy, but it happened so gradually and rarely got out of hand (minus a few painful days) that I hardly perceived it was happening.

Weight
OK, this is where I get to brag. My mother always said that when she gave birth to my brother she left the hospital weighing exactly what she weighed before she got pregnant. I really did not believe her. (I still find it debatable, but I don't know why she'd make this up, either.) But, to her credit, back in the 1970s hospital stays were significantly longer, so she does have that on her side.

Well, prophecy was in fact fulfilled for me. Not only did my mother tell me I'd be back in my old body in no time (she has to say this, though, seeing as she bore me) but all the nurses in my doctor's office would make this remark at every single appointment.

Here's my weight loss timeline:

• Pre-pregnancy weight: 119 lbs.
• Weight upon checking into the hospital: 149 lbs. (at one point I reached 152 lbs. toward the end of my pregnancy, but in the final week of pregnancy I lost 3 lbs., which is apparently a fairly common phenomenon)
• Weight upon leaving the hospital Monday, Jan. 16 (4 days postpartum): 139 lbs. I found this at the time discouraging. This 10-lbs. loss was simply baby (8 lbs.) and placenta, I assumed.
• Weight on Thursday, Jan. 19 (7 days postpartum): 133 lbs.
• Weight on Friday, Jan. 20 (8 days postpartum, 15 hours after bringing Natalie home): 128 lbs.
• Weight on Sunday, Jan. 22 (10 days postpartum, 3 days after bringing Natalie home): 121 lbs.
• Weight on Tuesday, Jan. 24 (12 days postpartum): 118 lbs. (1 lb. less than my pre-pregnancy weight)

Here's what I can say: breastfeeding is for real. I am so fortunate that so far breastfeeding has been working perfectly. As a result I am burning calories like crazy (apparently 500 a day?!) and eating a ton (having third helpings of some dinner items...I never have seconds, let alone thirds) and shrinking that uterus down to size. I still have a little bit of extra flesh around my stomach, but I assume that will either go away once my uterus is back to normal and/or I get the OK to go back to my exercise routine which includes my Core Fusion Body Sculpt DVD.

9 weeks pregnant, hello flat stomach club!, still at 119 lbs. (and still using a crappy camera lens)

41 weeks pregnant, last pregnancy photo, 149 lbs.

Today, two weeks postpartum and 118 lbs., back in my old jeans (the kind that zip and button! The glory!) and you know, holding a baby!

Right now my stomach looks about as big as it did when I was 12 weeks pregnant, and I can totally handle that (in fact, I am shocked this has occurred so quickly, but again: breastfeeding!).

Incision care
For the first week postpartum I was feeling some pain on the left-hand side of my scar. Pain meds definitely masked that pain, and now I feel no pain there at all.

My nurses in the hospital told me that I did not need to directly clean my incision but instead simply allow the soap I'm using to wash the rest of my body to trickle over the wound. They also told me to use a separate towel or wash cloth to pat dry the incision area to avoid any cross contamination.

The doctors put about 12 pieces of heavy-duty medical tape over my stitches. The nurses at the hospital said I could pull the tape off after having it on for only two days. I said it wasn't bothering me so I'd rather not bother it. The nurse at my own doctor's office advised me to keep the tape on until it started peeling away on its own. That moment arrived yesterday, and I was happy to remove the last piece of barely-sticky-anymore tape.

Now I can have a good look at my scar, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. First of all, in keeping with my doctor's promise to me as I whimpered on the operating room table, it is LOW. No one will be seeing this puppy, even if I wore a really skimpy bikini (which is not my style, and I have a big butt, thus sizing me out of the skimpy-bikini-bottom market). Second of all, it is not as big as I thought. It's about three inches long. It is, however, raised, and I wonder (as someone who's never had stitches) if the raised nature of the scar will diminish or if this will simply be the scar I can tell stories about during future icebreaker activities (I kid).

Pain management
I was instructed by most of my nurses to try not to take too much Percocet because it causes constipation (see below). So, after one week postpartum I had completely weened myself off Percocet. I've been taking some prescription-strength Motrin here and there for the past week, which mostly helps me manage some lower-back pain which appears to be leftover from my epidural. So, in terms of c-section-induced pain, I would say it has been very manageable and way better than I would have ever thought. In fact, I could possibly have been in more pain if I had completed a vaginal delivery. (The irony, I know.)

Bleeding
I knew that with a c-section women still experience heavy-period-like bleeding, but that the bleeding is typically less than what women experience after a vaginal delivery. Though I am sure this is all relative, I would say this is another statement that has held true to my experience. Now, two weeks postpartum I have minimal bleeding, and even since day 1 postpartum it really hasn't been that bad.

Bowels
All my friends who delivered vaginally have told stories over glasses of wine about their first attempts at postpartum bowel movements. One described it as worse than giving birth. One didn't have one until 12 days postpartum. One said she kept rehashing through her mind the following statement while sitting on the toilet, "I have no idea how this is going to come out of me."

Well, again, here I am probably lucky that I did not have a complete vaginal delivery because this has not been the case for me. Yes, I had the irrational fear of somehow breaking through five layers of stitches at the site of my c-section incision, but clearly that did not happen. In the words of our Childbirth Express nurse: when offered stool softeners at the hospital, take them; when offered a suppository at the hospital, embrace it.

If this all seems like TMI, let me assure you that after you lose all your dignity carting around your own urine in a bag attached to your IV pole in the hospital, the function of your bowels and your baby's bowels will be one of your top priorities and you will not care who witnesses you taking care of business. In fact, most of the abdominal pain I was experiencing in days 1 and 2 postpartum magically disappeared after my nurses helped me get to the bathroom.

What did I leave out? If you've had a c-section, what do you recall as the best and the worst or biggest surprises of the recovery process?