What do you do when you're 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant? Your husband is back at work, even though you didn't think he'd be back following winter break, and the rest of the world is back to post-holidays reality as well.
Your house has been clean for the past two weeks because you gave it an insanely thorough cleaning, thinking this was the last time you'd do that for a while. You don't need to put your feet up and relax because you've been doing that for almost two weeks as well.
So, you scrub the base boards.
And wash all the windows.
You take all the knobs off your kitchen cabinets and remove the last remnants of plastic that must have covered the cabinets when they were first installed a decade ago. It's something that's been bothering you for the past five years. (Look closely below to see what I mean!)
You Magic Erase the white cabinets in your kitchen.
Then you Magic Erase all the outlet covers and light switch plates. If you go much further you'll Magic Erase your whole house.
You take a break for a mid-morning bagel and watch I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, all the while shaking your head as your overdue baby kicks you repeatedly in the ribs.
You make a diaper caddy for the main level of your house.
And you corral all your camera equipment into one location on the main level, since you figure having everything together will be useful when you get to start some baby photo shoots.
You organize all the toiletries and cleaning products in the hallway bathroom because this will become the baby's bathroom.
Your organize your husband's socks even though you thought that might wait until after the baby's arrival.
You do what you hope is your last round of baby laundry before the baby arrives. This time you wash 6-month size clothing you were initially going to hold off on until after the baby's arrival.
You finish reading the baby sleep habits book that you started two days ago on your new Kindle.
You return to your recipe notebook and finally make a grocery list, something you've been intentionally putting off because each day you think, "This is it! I don't want the food to spoil while we're in the hospital." But you realize that going to restaurants is getting expensive, your empty fridge is looking pathetic, it's probably a safe bet that you'll need several days' worth of food in the house after all, and frankly it's time to make some blue cheese dip. Because WHAT. ELSE. ARE. YOU. DOING? So you go grocery shopping at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday and envision your future existence of shopping with senior citizens and other stay-at-home moms for a while. And that is actually the best part -- no picked-over groceries, no plethora of carts left in the aisles, no long lines at the check out.
And when people ask you when the baby's due, you can finally use the line, "Yesterday," kind of like Amy Poehler in the classic Saturday Night Live sketch "I'm No Angel." (Sorry for the quality -- why can't I find this anywhere else online?)
And despite feeling a little stir crazy after being given by your doctor a month ago what now feels like false hope for an early delivery, you know that the baby has to get here sometime relatively soon.
Actually, you realize at 3:01 p.m. on a Tuesday, you're living the dream.
But the very, very best part of all this, no matter how you slice it, is that for this rare, beautiful moment, at least you do not have a single paper to grade, and for that you could not be more thankful.