I can't lie. I love it. I love being pregnant for the same reason I love Thursdays: anticipation. Thursday equals almost Friday, which equals two and a half days of doing whatever you want. Pregnancy equals imagining everything that is about to come, full of anticipation.
As I now officially enter my third and final trimester, I am fortunate to have had, up to this point, an easy pregnancy. I realize this likely clouds my judgement regarding pregnancy, but at the same time I was prepared for the worst (that's my pessimism for you -- thanks, Mom, for passing that trait to me), yet I was still looking forward to it all.
Years ago my friend Emily said she looked forward to one day being pregnant, and I totally laughed at her. Society teaches us that pregnancy is nine months from hell, when the woman becomes a raging maniac with out-of-control hormones and a skewed sense of reality, not to mention every possible bodily complication and discomfort known to man. Why would anyone look forward to this? Why would any sane woman agree to go through this? As a feminist I would even go so far as to say that pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood were things I could happily avoid because they seemed like punishment for being female (somewhere along the lines of Eve's original sin). Now two-thirds of the way through, I can say that these have so far been some of the happiest -- if not the happiest -- months of my entire life, and I cannot wait to be a mother, though the concept of childbirth is still freaking me out (more on that another time).
Now when I hear women complain about being pregnant or having a baby in the near future, it's a punch in my (size-of-a-soccer-ball) gut. If you don't want to have a baby, you don't have to, and there are ways to prevent it. If you want to have a baby, enjoy getting ready for your future.
I've been exceptionally busy, alert and self-reflective during this time so far, and I only imagine those experiences will increase in intensity in the final months leading up to Baby Awesomerod's arrival. The self-reflective element has really kicked in this past month, as for the ninth year of my life I've been placed in charge of 140 impressionable youth. I've wondered in awe at most of them because they are impressive teenagers, but I've shook my head at a few of them, asking myself what their parents did to make them that way and what Matt and I can do to avoid repeating those mistakes with our daughter.
I've also been emotional.
This is a pregnancy cliche that should not surprise you. Although I am mostly a calm, rational (and pessimistic) person on the exterior, whether I am pregnant or not I have strong opinions and emotions. But pregnancy and the anticipation of motherhood has helped bring those emotions more to the surface. This is specifically evidenced by the frequency of my crying episodes. Granted, almost all my tears shed have been happy tears, in fact insanely happy tears, something along the lines of, "Oh my god, I have a human inside me and I am so lucky and so ready to introduce her to the world."
Then there are my sappy tears, most recently evidenced by my burst of tears while driving and the song "I Hope You Dance" came on the radio. I hate that song. I despise it to the core of my being. Yet as Lee Ann Womack belted out those god-awful lyrics, I found myself thinking, "Yes, baby girl, I hope you do dance! I hope when you have the choice to sit it out or dance, you dance! Embrace the life ahead of you!" This, my friends, is out of character, but it still made me happy. And I actually did not change the channel, which is my gut reaction should that horrible song ever make it onto my radio.
Other things that I cannot handle would include this absolutely greatest Google commercial in the history of commercials.
Oh yeah, and this Pampers commercial, which, like the Google commercial above, makes me cry every single time I see it.
I'll get back to sharing mini-house projects and more organizational strategies next, but I wanted to take this little break as I embark on the final phase of pregnancy to share some thoughts lots of friends have been asking me about, but up until today I hadn't had the chance to put down in words.